Do The Creep

This guy is clearly creeping on my friend and has no clue!!

Ok so I was watching SNL on hulu of course because I can never catch it when it is actually airing and I was pleasantly surprised. I laughed through almost all of it (which hasn't happened in so very long, sigh.) Anyway Lonely Island did a song called The Creep. I will post it below this but basically it is 3 guys who look like John Waters impersonators and creep on girls in the clubs, in the court room, basically anywhere girls are. They do this dance that is super creepy to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLPZmPaHme0

The above is the link to the site and video.

Anyway watching this has made me go back and think about all those creepy guys that you get at the bar. We all know the people, they come at you with stupid pick up lines, breathing their nasty alcohol breath, and trying to take you home. Generally they just creep you out. When I worked at my bar in college we had a dance floor in the middle of the upstairs and I would witness poor young girls getting creeped on by older males (when I say older I mean 22 because that was old to an 18 year old back then) and running away.

My friends and I would always tell them we weren't into guys and had signals to help get us away. At this point in my life I am extremely blunt and just tell the creeps to go away. But I do remember dancing with my sorority sisters and some guy who I had never seen before would come up and start grinding his pelvis into my back thinking this was attractive. Reality check, you just lost any chance you had, if I wanted to dance with you I would have, now back off!!

Bartending was another story in itself. I always had guys trying to tell me how pretty I was or how I am their favorite bartender. I never knew if they were trying to score a free drink or being honest, but unless they tipped me well I would send my male bartenders over to deal with them! I have found that working in the city I don't deal with as many creeps as I did in college. Maybe the fact that the regulars are constantly around and my bouncers make sure nobody messes with us, either way whatever it is the creeps stay away.
We had all just worked a night together and looked like the creepiest people in the bar.

There was one time in the summer when I was out with some of the girls who stayed down in Carbondale with me and I was working at the first bar and this guy with this thick mustache had been my customer the night before. I had served him all night and he was tipping me well, I never led on to anything else, just kept it customer and server because really a mustache is not my scene, and he was like 40. So anyway after we pregame and my friend's house we head to my bar. We are doing shots and getting nice and toasty when another server brings over a tray of shots and says this is from the guys at the bar, they said they knew you.

Me being naive and thinking it was a friend turn around and am ready to go shot for shot with a friend when I see dun dun dun Mr. Mustache. He bought my friends a couple more rounds and came over and talked to me. My friends (being the assholes that they are) left me to fend for myself. This guy thought he had a chance, I mean I am not outright mean and who knew if he would be back so I didn't want to burn bridges but he talked my ear off. I am not sure about what because I had probably drank a bottle of vodka and then some by this point but the girls were sitting at the bar and yelled my name. I turn and they snapped a picture of me and the guy that still haunts me to this day. I basically look like I am ready to kill them and he is cheesin it up for the camera.

I can't say he was majorly creepy because I think he was just trying to be friendly but it was a little weird. I clearly was barely 21 at this point so I mean it was a bit strange. I definitely thought of Mr. Mustache doing The Creep in the video walking around the bar! That picture by the way ended up on every fridge of every house I lived in, or it was at someone's house that I frequented a lot, thanks again ladies!

It is not just patrons of bars that get creepy, it's also those guys at parties who are newbies or out of towners who don't know how to ask. I clearly was a sorority girl and attended my fair amount of fraternity parties and there were always some young guys who were awkward and unsure of how to approach the situation. Unfortunately for them a lot of the girls who went to these parties were either dating or trying to date someone at the house. I don't think I ever had that problem actually but I definitely saw it going on more and more, apparently I came off a lot bitchier than I intended most of the time. Oh well saved me from creepy situations.

So this one time a bunch of my best friends were in my bar (per usual) belly up at my bar (again per usual) and 2 of them had always had a penchant for making the other look stupid. Well "Mandy" decided to send the creepiest guy in the bar over to one of the girls and tell him that she really wanted to talk to him. The other girl, not to be outdone, found the next creepiest guy and sent him over. They would send shots each others way saying the creepy guy bought them (well I would be the one to have to say it) and send them to random people from each other, and this would go on for hours. I guess creepy guys do have a good use after all?

I know I have tons more creeper stories out there for you guys I will have to think of them over the next couple days. I will be heading to Carbondale for recruitment with my sorority and will try to update this a bit, but while down there I will also be collecting stories for my book to be published!! So don't hate me if I don't blog for a bit, but keep checking back because you never know when a good story may strike again!

We may look like your typical group of friends but deep down we know how to creep.
Do The Creep!!!

Da Bears

Although yesterday's crushing lost left an entirely too large of an ache in Chicago's hearts the party still had to go on. We opened the bar at our normal 11am time, however had the entire bar pretty much packed in by 10:45. People camped all day waiting for this showdown between the Packers and the beloved Bears. As the game went on we went in to fits of hatred to fits of excitement to the ultimate let down all season. The Packers ended up winning in a devastating loss that could have been prevented had our Bears played like this game actually mattered. (I am sorry for your loss Dalton)

Enough about this tragedy however. This is the second Sunday in which things took a turn for the crazy! Last Sunday I worked waitressing and then bartending on literally no sleep and things were going fine for awhile. Everyone was having a grand old time because a lot of people had off for MLK day and were just getting hammered as usual. Shimmy was in with her friends and they were taking down shots and beer like it was going out of style. About 3 quarters of the way through the night a guy slapped her ass. She politely asked him not to do that and decided he needed to be cut off.

Well the other guy I was bartending with, Circles, had definitely agreed to cut him off so he told the guy this when he was asked and the guy flipped out. I was on the other end of the bar and all I saw was this guy come running around the bar and get in Circles' face. He started trying to physically assault him and luckily we have the most awesome regulars that came to the rescue! They jumped right in to pull this guy away but not before this guy ripped off Circles' shirt! Literally hulk style tore it off him. They got him out of the bar and everyone who didn't see what happened was stunned.

Circles' came in with his ripped shirt and one of our regulars Mike gave him the shirt off of his back literally! So that night ended and we got to go home and sleep. This brings me back to this past Sunday.

The usual suspects are in the bar and all bobombed and having a grand old time. I was sitting with some of our regulars who had just come over from the game and all of the sudden one guy starts yelling and causing problems! Again our regulars who were there the previous Sunday just walked in and saw this and all of them helped get him out, he was a lot easier then the guy from last week! Mike also brought an extra shirt in case this were to happen again! Shimmy showed off her killer dance moves by bending over and shaking her tush! I must say if they didn't come in on Sunday's I don't think the entertainment would be nearly half as good.

Elf came in with her boyfriend and he had on a killer suit with a Bears sweater vest. His dance moves were pretty phenomenal too. At one point I had a dance sandwich going on with her and Dance Magic!!

As I was leaving Circles was asking me what time it was and I informed him it was 10:30 (he had been one of my football guys cheering on the Bears during the day) and he looked miserable. I luckily had the option of going home which I took happily. I noticed however that Shimmy's friends were both passing out on the bar! Luckily I know these girls are troopers and powered through to make it to the end of the night.

I must stress again that it is not worth it to fight in a bar. I do not approve or agree with anyone's motives. We have all been there however we all need to start stepping away. Things can get out of control and shirts can be ripped and cops called. It is not amusing and only makes the person look like an asshole!!

Not a Pub Crawl Fan

Ahh pub crawls. You know you have been on them at least once, you go out with your friends, get bombed and the last bar you get to you act like an asshole. Imagine having 3 of those in one day. Now I understand you have been out all day drinking and sometimes dressed like a moron but is it necessary to not tip at all?!

This will lead me into my day on Saturday. So it started out ok, we ended up not putting my dog down much to my relief and I was in a good mood. I got to work and was geared up for a long double and a Marquette game. The Marquette crowd came in and they were fun and polite as always, then came the first pub crawl. The timing we had was different so they got there about an hour and a half early, no trouble really, we were their second bar so everyone was still polite and sober. Then came the next pub crawl. They apparently did a joint bachelor/bachelorette party crawl and scavenger hunt. We were their last stop, needless to say they were all bombed. Now here is the kicker, they got a free happy hour and could extend it for $10 more for another hour. They also were suppose to have some tables reserved in the back but they came at a bad time and well sorry not kicking people out for your free party!!

So they were all pissed that they must stand heaven forbid. They drank for free for an hour and tipped us maybe a combined total of $6 and that is pushing it. I wish I could say I was kidding but sadly I am not. Most of them were very nice and all it just sucks when you work for free! So they made us shut down the music so they could give their toasts, and there were I think a grand total of 7 and they all basically sucked. The funniest came from Old School, where they talked about the gang bang! So the party ended quickly and everyone was mad they didn't drink for free anymore, however they stayed through out the whole night. Some of them left and some of them started new tabs with me.

One guy in particular caught my eye. We actually he caught a bunch of our eyes because he had on a Michael Bolton shirt and ear muffs. One of my coworkers friends went up and tried to get the shirt from him and he instantly said."I am not retarded." Just in case we thought he was due to the ear muffs and Bolton shirt. We then played Lovers and Friends for him which he knew every word to. He basically made my night with that saying. His girlfriend was a good sport to as we egged on his asinine behavior.

After my double shifts I went to the back bar to bartend and unfortunately we were at capacity so it was not entirely busy for me. I had a bunch of poeple open tabs and most were generous but some were outraged that a drink could cost $8.50, now listen here bub that is reasonable for the amount of alcohol I am giving you, head downtown and you will be lucky to find that price anywhere else. Needless to say these people did not tip. I don't know what was going on that night but tipping was not an option. I am lucky that I had a few awesome tables otherwise I would have been a crabby patty for sure! I ended up having a group sit around the back bar and joke around. They knew some of my other coworkers so we got along pretty well. I was super excited when the night was finally over however.

Besides Michael Bolton coming on not too many great stories emerged. I am basically using this blog forum to bitch about the number of cheap ass people we had out. I have said it before and I will say it again, if you don't know how to tip or you don't have money to tip please do not come out. It only hurts your credibility and our income. I would prefer to not have to wear the look of pure disappointment because you do not know how to take care of your server properly. Yeesh. Anyway my next blog should be better, if I choose not to write until after Dragonmaster's birthday that will be a good one. However I am considering writing out my memoirs on fish and why they scare me!! Bet you are waiting in suspense huh.......

Happy Amateur Hour!

Some people get married on New Year's Eve. Some people pay for overpriced hotel parties where the drinks are slow and short poured. Some people have house parties and black out. Me, I worked. I said after last New Year's I would not do it this one so I can go have some fun (and by fun I mean sit in my house and drink a bottle of champagne with the boy and friends.) Alas though I could not resist the urge to make some extra money.

I decided to bare the night and work. I prepared myself for this by saying at least I am with some great people and will hopefully come out on top of the money heap. So with the night upon us I got my spray tan, got me dress, packed my overnight bag and headed to the city. The thing about New Year's Eve is that all the people who don't go out tend to come out on this day and black Wednesday. Normally they do not tip and do not know how to drink. They feel they need to double fist and get the most out of their package as they can. While most parties will charge you $100+ we only cost 60-70 depending on when you bought your tickets. Our party sold out pretty quick which left us feeling confident.

Anyway I arrived to see all of our furniture being taken out of the bar and the other girls putting up decorations. We could not find the helium take to our dismay so we had to blow up balloons using our lungs, which wouldn't have been a problem if the damn balloons blew up the right way! People started to arrive early and hung out until the party actually began at 9. The weather was uncharacteristically gorgeous for this normally freezing December night. The guys looked their best and the girls looked stunning (I mean hello what else do you ever expect from us?!)

The party began and Dragonmaster and myself decided we would switch off through out the night tending the back bar. Our plans were swiftly broken when all of our young 20 somethings decided to go as hard and fast as possible with their boozing. The space behind the back bar is made for one so luckily we were able to maneuver around each other and get the drinks out fast. I am pretty sure from about 10-1 I did not think about anything but slinging drinks. At midnight I was hoping for a brief reprieve so I could do a champagne toast with my fellow coworkers, no such luck, these kids were ruthless!

So the night went on and we continued to get our asses kicked a bit and in between took a couple shots when we were able to. I noticed Dragonmaster getting a bit tipsy and then she somehow was able to get drunk, I don't know how the girl does it. I was envious because she was more able to deal with the drunks then I was at this point. The fire marshal ended up coming and shutting us down, not because of being over cap but because a girl we had cut off ended up passing out in front of the cops. They didn't seem to thrilled about having to do paperwork either! Apparently this girls hoo ha was hanging out and I am pretty sure her friends were feeding her more drinks, this is all speculation however so who knows.

At the end a kid comes up and starts asking for more drinks, clearly the lights are on and the cops are kicking people out. He says he wants to speak to the owner and that he didn't get his drinks worth. Alright dbag you drank for 4 hours at least and I am positive you drank more than your $70 worth. He kept saying I want to speak to someone about it and i told him to go up front. The cop stepped in and told him to get out. Muffy jumped in as well as the bouncers were starting to try to get him out and told him this isn't Schaumburg, we operate a bit differently. You see these kids from the suburbs who come out for one night in the city don't understand that when the cops say you close, we close. He was starting all sorts of commotion and complaining about paying all this money and blah blah blah. Well listen here bucko we don't give a rat's ass about it because I am sure you were one of the ones pounding down drinks, you probably went to a house party later and continued to drink and make stupid remarks about how we suck. Luckily for us I doubt you would have ever come back except for another New Year's so no big loss there. Again must I state: AMATEURS.

We cleaned up and closed out and some people went to Tai's. While cleaning up my Double Trouble decided to rap about the night and it went on for a good half hour. She rapped about New Year's, Cowboy Casanova, Dragonmaster, work, you name it! She also did not go home with our fellow coworker KM. She saw a guy she went to high school with and well they left together. Me and Dragonmaster had to be back in the morning to bartend for our early open so we got a ride from Mr. Creeptastic and went to her place. We passed out fairly quickly after, she slept on the other couch opposite me in her coat, dress, and purse. Around 4 something am I awoke to her screaming, now I thought someone was in the apartment the way she was talking. She mumbled loudly at first and then the next words out of her mouth were," You want mayo? You don't want mayo, what's the mayo. You think this is funny just wait til 3:45 am to see who is laughing then, yea you mayo." I wish I had it recorded because it was all about mayonnaise!

We awoke the next morning and both just wanted to keep sleeping. 7:30am comes pretty quick when you just worked your ass off the night before! So we went to work and I asked her about the mayo incident. She had no clue but laughed it off. If I didn't know her and was randomly sleeping on her couch and she started screaming about mayo I would know for sure that she was in the service industry just by that, but why would I be randomly sleeping on her couch? Ok side note from me sorry!

So we get to work and set up and she gets a Woodchuck to even herself out and we were wondering where Double Trouble was as she was suppose to work as well. All the girls that worked NYE except for Sequins (she had on a hot little sequin dress) were working that morning. KM said DT did not stay at her place so we assumed she went home with the random guy. She called and said she couldn't find a cab to get there. We were all sitting around the front room when she walked in, wearing the same clothes from the night before, looking a mess. We all busted out laughing because I mean only at our place of business could you get away with that! She quickly changed and we all battled through the day. It was crazy busy and again I did not think except for placing drink orders.

The shift ended and I finally went home. The weekend went quick but I had so much fun with my fellow coworkers I was happy I worked. We got to witness the hook ups, black outs, and general crazy partying that is our job. So here is to 2011, may it bring us some more great stories that I can write about!! Happy New Year!