My Biggest Fear

I have decided this weak to give my dear friend Dragonmaster a break. I believe my blog has caused a sort of sobriety in her (that I do not approve of) but alas I will now give everyone something to laugh at me for.

Most people know my biggest fear, some are uncertain. I have many crazy thoughts that go through my head (as we all know by reading my blog) but some people think are worse than others. I have a fear that has haunted me my whole life. I am digging deep into my psyche and possibly endangering my life by writing this but first let's see who can guess what my fear is.

These creatures only come out at certain times of the year and for certain reasons. We just celebrated their "holy day" last week and it is generally a day that I try to stay in my house surrounded by people for because I am afraid they will ultimately come and get me. They are small and crafty, they breed on people's misfortunes and try to ruin your life by promising gold that never seems to appear. They live in the grass and terrorize your animals and your dreams. Movies have been made about these mystical creatures, scary movies that have actually (from what I hear) turned out to be comical. People eat their cereal and dress up as them on a certain day of the year.

Can you guess? Yes my biggest fear are Leprechauns. Not little people dressed as leprechauns, but real leprechauns. On March 17 every year I fear for my life and what may come about. I have been lucky and not been attacked as of yet (although if they read this blog they may come and get me.) I use to set traps when I was little to insure that I would be safe from them.

Why am I scared of them? They are little and tricksters, they have weird looking outfits, and can get away with thievery. They promise you a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow but have you ever notices the end of the rainbow is in some inconspicuous place that will lead you astray from any human life? I tried watching one of the movies before and I never could watch more than 5 minutes for fear of my life. Unfortunately one of my favorite cereals is Lucky Charms and when I eat it I feel I am betraying myself because that little green leprechaun is mocking me on the box. Who plays tricks on children and promises them marshmallows? Pedophiles and leprechauns that's who.

The similarities between the 2 are uncanny. They promise treats if you follow them around, they offer you money, they then try to steal your soul in some absurd inhumane way. I suppose they are better than Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny who make you sit on their lap and tell them your hopes and dreams and wishes, at least leprechauns are pretty straight forward about what they want out of you. There is a part in the movie that I saw where Jennifer Aniston is standing next to her car and the little creep is feeling her leg and scrapes her when she figures out it is not her horny boyfriend. (Side note why is her boyfriend hiding under a truck?) Anyway I am scared to stand next to my parked car for that reason and jump right in if no one is around. What if I feel a brush of a hand, is it a mugger, an attacker, no it's probably a damn leprechaun.

If anyone has every walked with me in a place with a grassy field you may have noticed my hesitation in frolicking about, you can thank the leprechauns. I believe they live in there and have tiny hiding places in which they crouch in attack mode to come jump out at you and play their trickery. How come they are dressed in all green and wear funny buckles and pants? It's to distract you from them stealing your soul. They think they look funny enough that you will fall for their traps, I am telling you not to do it. If you see a small person dressed as a leprechaun run far far away.

I know everyone thinks they are false like unicorns but I believe otherwise. In my experience the supernatural and mystical creatures tend to be real. We tell ourselves that they are wives tales or false illusions and hopefully for your sake they are but my gut feeling says there is more out there than meets the eye.

Look at those folks in Mobile, Alabama who saw a leprechaun, they believe in them. One guy even had a leprechaun flute passed down from his great granddad in order to keep the little suckers away. I personally would like to meet him because I think we would have a lot to talk about. If you have no idea what I am talking about you must go to youtube.com and look for the leprechaun news story from Alabama. It will rock your world and make you think twice. I mean how can an entire town believe in something and come up with the same conclusions, because it is a real epidemic down there. Also I will never be moving to Alabama for that apparent reason.

March 17 brings out the crazy people who drink car bombs, Guiness, get as drunk as possible and end up puking everywhere, but you know what I will take that over seeing a leprechaun any day! I don't even like when people dress up as them because how can you tell who is real and who isn't? You must chance it and as for me I would like a prescription for xanex for that day please.

Again you may think I am off my rocker here a bit but this is all my thoughts and I am sure once the world ends leprechauns will rule it just like cockroaches (those little things never die) and I hope that my knowledge has enlightened you a bit and seeking answers to the unknown. I also ask that my asshole friends do not post any leprechaun paraphernalia on my facebook walls because I know they are thinking about doing it. Everyone has some deep seeded fear, I just choose to share mine with the whole world. Can ya blame me for it? I should make a leprechaun awareness day, that won't send me to the nut house I am sure. Ok enough about these creatures of the dark, time for me to start campaigning!!!

For anyone who does not know me yes this is real, yes I am scared of leprechauns, did I embellish a little bit? Yes I did, but for the most part this is a pretty serious blog for me. I promise to make the next one light hearted! Dragonmaster I will be seeing you at EIU for some more stories soon!!!