Awkwardly Straight

A gorgeous thursday off at the beach was just what I needed. I went with my friend KK and burned up pretty nice and good. While relaxing and discussing future plans of her possibly moving far away from me, we decided to either get tattoos or massages. I had said that I really want a tattoo but wasnt sure what I wanted at the time so I didnt want to go into this all willy nilly. We stayed at the beach for like 5 hours and decided on a massage.

They have those deals for first timers at a couple of places and we had decided on Heavenly Massage. It was an hour wait so we went and looked around good old BG, or is it Arlington Heights now? I don't remember exactly. Anyway we got back there and KK started asking about couples' massages because her boyfriend's bday is coming up and she wanted to get him one. Apparently they thought it was for us and offered to give us couples' room. They brought us into the room and explained how to lie down on the tables which were next to each other. There was just enough room for the girls to get around and massage us properly. After telling us how to lie down they showed us the basket for our clothing. They promptly left the room after this to let us get naked.

Now I lived in a house of 30+ girls in college for 2 years and somehow ended up with the roommates who liked to walk around nude all the time (Cat Lady) so I was pretty use to female nudity and am pretty immune to the whole thing. For some reason we thought this was hilarious and couldn't stop giggling. They didn't even ask if we wanted to be able to get in the covers separately or anything, just assumed we were together and it was cool. We were still laughing about this situation for a couple minutes when they came into massage us. I am pretty sure they gave us extra time for some kissy kissy I am assuming actually.

Our massages commenced and it was definitely not that relaxing experience I was hoping for. It was good and my lady worked out some knots but it still wasn't somewhere I would go back to. I felt like they kinda rushed the whole massage and didn't seem interested in being there. So when they finally finished they asked if we wanted to shower together or get hot towels. We again just opted for hot towels and could not contain our giggles. I almost felt like I was letting them down by not being gay. I think they thought we needed alone time and scurried out of there quickly. Note to people who may not know but you can only tip in cash so be prepared. We were not ready and felt like assholes and only giving them a small amount.

We went on to dinner with KK's bf and met this awesome couple who were older by a couple years but super funny. Normally I would be wierded out with another party talking to us but by that point in the day anything could happen. I mean I just took a couples' massage with my friend and they thought we were lovers and now we were having an interesting convo about how to keep a marriage alive by traveling away from each other all the time. It was amusing to say the least. Their love of reality TV made me take an instant liking to them. To top off the night Jersey Shore 2 premiered and let me tell you those meatheads can make anyone feel better about themselves. I was stunned to learn Snooki had never had fried pickles. It makes me very upset considering it is only one of the best foods out there. Ignorance I tell ya ignorance.

1st Round Done

It was play off day today! Kickball's first season is over and we have a 2 week break. Our team was not suppose to play due to not making the playoffs however around 1:30 I received a text about us having to play at 2:30, unfortunately there was no way I would have made it so I informed my team I couldn't I guess the best part about being on the team of the bar who sponsors the league is we do what we want. We got the game pushed back an hour and I was able to hightail it to the city. I met my team at the field nervous and not mentally prepared to play. I learned that the 1st place team had forfeited and bumped us up to being in the playoffs!

We quickly assembled into the field and had a killer game. It was neck and neck and we held them down by 1 run into the 4th inning. We advanced on to the next round, semi finals. We had a break and watched the other 2 teams play and well kinda got in the way of the game cause we were on the foul line and kept getting balls kicked at us.
I think I rolled around in the dirt more on the sideline then I did on the actual field! We started using the phrase twat block as well.

The next game commenced and we had a good lead and then shitty playing came into affect and we ended up losing by 2. So 3rd place in the league isn't bad (considering we weren't even suppose to be in the playoffs) but it surely is not first! The whole time though the Spirit Animals were in full effect and supporting everyone else by giving us some great tunes and supplying a cheering section. They definitely were on our side and wanted to see us advance on to the championship. They had lost their first game sadly and did not reach the championship like everyone thought they would. I did find out that the Spirit Animals are now following my blog so big shout out to you guys! As of now they have unofficially won the drinking portion of the league as well 3 years in a row, so congrats guys!

After our sad defeat I headed to the bar to see if I was needed to work and for some reason it was pretty dead in there. I hung out and watched the Spirit Animals and some other teams show up and the flip cup commenced. I had my brother coming home today from AT so I didn't join in the fun so I could drive home and see him but I definitely heard everyone in the back singing Taylor Swift as loud as possible. I must say it was quite amusing for us because the Animals sure get into Taylor and made sure everyone knew who was boss back there! The yes' and nos' of the flip cup game could tell us who was winning at all times to! I houdinied it out of there and proceeded to drive home with my (now sober) brother trailing behind me. You see the green team fed him alcohol and he got ballsy on the field and definitely called some unsure shots in our favor, again we do what we want.

On the way home there was some asshole going 40 on the highway and then another decided to just stop and sit on a light deciding if it was the right street. I dont know if it's the Cubs fans and their inability to drive today but surely that had to be the case. This jackamo turned on his hazards and blocked an entire lane and it was veerrrryyy annoying. After a long and surprising day I got home to see my oldest younger brother and his medals he achieved at AT. Today ended up being one of the funner Sunday fundays I have had in awhile!

I mean....

Another weekend has passed by us and more shenanigan have taken place. Another double on Saturday which ended up getting weird. I don't know if I can say its because of the Cubs/Cards game or if it is cause the people decided to be weird. It was a busy day and when night hit the weirdos came out. I didn't really recognize anyone in the bar but it was pretty uneventful. I think the best part happened when Cowboy Casanova's cousin showed up. He is always a trip to listen to as his witty remarks are never-ending. He is convinced that Dance Magic is not a fan of him and always tries to go out of his way to be nice and joke around. At the end of the night he even curled up to him like he was a cat curling into your shoulder! I am going to give him the nickname of Thailand because the first night I met him he told me a great story about returning home from being overseas and going to see his sister and well it was quite a debacle. I won't tell the story because I can't give it the zest that it needs.

He made a comment that I always make faces at people unintentionally. I am aware that my features give away everything I am thinking about someone and it has been a problem my whole life. At one point people were crowding around my waitress station and I was waiting for them to move and Thailand looks over and starts laughing because I am clearly in a hurry and annoyed and said this is the second time he has caught me making faces unintentionally. I guess some girls made a comment after her friends kept wet willying her and it went like this,"if you continue to wet willy me I am going to wet willy your vagina." We all had a good laugh and I even made sure to put it on the twitter. Dalton was ready to go last night, he is an avid Sox fan and can't stand overly drunk and obnoxious Cub fans and I was waiting for him to get into his tossing mode! At the end of the night one guy did something and my brother started to kick him out and the guy called my bro a d-bag and Dalton walked up and the guy immediately backed away. The thing about being an intimidating man is that people will not fuck with you! Luckily he saved the day and between the 3 of them (my brother, Dalton, and Dance Magic) this guy would have been very sad he called anyone a d-bag.

As always end of the night equals winding down and Mrs. Southside came and kept us entertained as well. Between her and Thailand and one of our newest members, who may I add I have a special bond with because we both love vampires, I was laughing hysterically. Myself, Mrs. Southside, and Vampira (my newbie) were sitting in a booth and Mrs Southside kept making creeptastic comments towards one of the bartenders. It would be a lot funnier if I could use names but unfortunately I just signed something that said I would not incriminate any peoples within the establishment (true story) So then Vampira started talking about boobs and how much mine looked good and it became a boob grabbing contest. Mrs Southsides sister, Tiny LB (because she is super tiny), came up and Mrs Southside wanted to grab her sisters boob. Tiny LB just stepped up and was like yea this is my sister it happens! After our conversation of boobs and books and being creepy it was time to leave. I stepped out side with Creepy, Dance Magic, Thailand, and my brother and told stories of the night. Thailand made sure to yell at the cars that passed who made obscene comments to us (I mean why not tell obscene comments to people standing around at 4am?) Anyway it was time to go home and I swear it took us forever to reach home and from there it was in the bed. Sorry this blog isn't super funny. I promise to deliver better.

Typical Wedding....

It is definitely wedding season and love is in the air. I will be attending another SK wedding in less than a month for 2 friends that I actually saw have their love blossom before my eyes. I am excited to see them (they live in Florida) and watch them cement their love through vows and a legal piece of paper. The last wedding I attended with a bunch of my college buddies was over a year ago. I actually have 2 great wedding stories that will take place on this blog seeing as how I don't have much going on with the bar scene right now.

Let's start with the Barnes' wedding. My gf Rockstar and her husband, lets call him Papa B, got married a couple Aprils ago and it was def a shit show. Their wedding was on a Friday and unfortunately it happened when construction season began. I arrived with my date, and roommate for all 5 years of college, Cat Lady. We were sharing a room with another couple who were to get married the next year as it turns out! We showed up half way through the ceremony and took a seat in the back. We watched with happiness as the couple exchanged their vows and stepped out into the world as the new Mr. and Mrs. We arrived to the reception and went to our tables. Now both sides were from SIU so they had a great mix of people, the bride's guests sat furthest from the bar and the grooms sat right next to the bar. We quickly started mingling and downing drinks. We found out they wouldn't serve us during dinner so we made sure to stock up. Always make sure you tip your bartenders at weddings big and you will get some special treatment! Anyway we did some shots and sat down to dinner where the couple arrived and did their speeches and dances and all the traditional wedding fan fare. After a delicious dinner (and many cocktails in) the dance floor opened up.

As the night progressed my "date" and I kept on boozing. Now I did have a little boozehound along for the ride. Her brother and her are always a trip to put together and have the most humorous way of looking at the world. She and I went down and boogied on the dance floor and even slow danced the night away. I mean when you go stag to a wedding it's always your gfs you end up dancing with right? So we got nice and liquored up with the rest of our long lost friends and headed to the bar next door. The bride and groom both joined as at the bar where more drinks and shots were had. At one point one of the STL guys that was staying with the Bue Monster and her brother disappeared. Everyone made friends with people at the bar and we all left at closing. We headed across the parking lot to the hotel and proceeded to party all night. During this partying Bue Monster and I decided to wrestle in the hallway. I was wearing a dress and luckily non revealing boy shorts and we started rolling around. Our wrestling shortly turned into somersaults down the hallway. The whole time the guys were laughing because well we can be ridiculous and get away with it. We grew hungry at this point and there was a random guy there that decided to hit on Bue Monster. We went to the vending machines realizing we had zero cash and she asked him for money. He gave us some but the machine didn't work so she took his money, slapped him across the face, and literally said I am going to take this now thank you. He didn't do anything about it, but now we had acquired 5 more dollars. We promptly went down to her room where the STL kids were staying. Cat Lady and I joined as well. We all sat around reminiscing and Bue Monster decided to wrap herself in a blanket and fell off the bed 3 times. At one point she hit her head on the air conditioner and we thought she was really hurt but could not stop laughing to save our lives. Everyone went to bed late pretty much blacked out. I woke up a couple hours later because my hotel partners had to leave. It was 8am and bright out and well if you know me you know I hate early mornings.

We all said our good byes and went our separate ways. I knew I was too drunk to drive anywhere still so I went to the STL room. They had a pull out couch and a king sized bed. Bue Monster was in the king sized bed her brother Rap Master B and my old roommate Cali Love were in the pull out. I hadn't looked around the room but went straight to her bed and fell asleep. We woke a couple hours later a little worse for the wear and noticed tons of bottles of liquor, a pitcher or OJ, and some other random drinks sitting on the dresser. Mind you I was with them until everyone passed out and I am not sure where they came from. We sat around puzzling about the new appearance of liquor in the room. Everyone counted their money, none missing, no receipts, nothing to prove who brought it in or where it came from. We thought maybe Cali Love bought it and took it into the room but he claims he didn't leave. To this day we still don't know where the stuff came from but it always makes for a good story. I had to leave to work that day but left with a strong hangover and tons of pictures to account for the whereabouts of our night!!

Wedding 2:

One of my best friends got married 2 January's ago and I was a bridesmaid in this wedding. I had become very close with a lot of the other bridesmaids and we all were excited to watch our friend walk down the aisle. We helped her get ready and calm her nerves. I helped her pee and hold her dress because lord that thing was heavy! All of us were drinkers so we knew it would be a crazy night ahead of us. I took it easy in the morning and sat with her up until the minute I departed down the aisle. I hate attention and don't like when all eyes are on me, but I had to walk half way down the aisle by myself and could not stop laughing. After the ceremony we took pictures and went to the reception. It was all very beautiful and well planned. Some of our SIU friends were there so we started drinking with them. There was a caution sign in the middle of the floor that apparently everyone felt the need to dance with, don't ask questions when it comes to my friends, just accept it and move on.

One of my new friends from the wedding hit it off with my old roommate Cheerleader. I will call her Uggs because she and I got called hookers in the dead of winter for wearing little clothing but we had uggs, another time for that story. Anyway we all stuck together and gave speeches and became more tipsy. There was a groomsmen there that was trying to hit on every girl at the wedding. I walked in on him in the bridal suit with random girls which kinda pissed us all off considering our purses and stuff were in there. I ignored it for awhile and actually got some great footage of Heidi Who Who's (that was a nickname in college) husband dancing to NSYNC. The night went on and I started to get a little liquid courage. The groomsman that was being skeezy tried to hit on me after hooking up with another bridesmaid at the reception. At one point all 3 of us were on the dance floor dancing and I looked at him and said something along the lines like why were you just telling my date that you were going to try to get on me when you just hooked up with her. His mouth dropped and I walked away and I guess she started reaming him out. I headed to the bar to get more to drink and then heard that he was going to go after Cheerleader for telling me what he said. Cheerleader and I are very close and of course he was going to tell me. So Cheerleader is walking around without a clue as to waht just transpired. I notice Nicole heading outside in her dress in a fury and start yelling at the groomsman. At this point he is speechless and I find out what's going on and join in and start yelling as well. So he has 2 girls in his face, the bride ready to punch him, and he doesn't know what to do. Luckily NSYNC Mania comes out and breaks us up. He sends the guy home and sends us inside. I am not sure if I am wearing shoes or the booties she got us as at this point but I know it was snowing so I should have been cold.

The night progresses more without incident. Heidi Who Who steps out of her dress and changes into (ugh dare I utter these words) a Cubs jersey. We go back to the dance floor and that song Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy comes on and her step dad is down on all fours and has her mom riding him like a horse across the floor. It is quite comical to watch if you know them! The reception ends and we gather everyone's things and head to the car. I have the wedding gown, my purse, and my flowers all bundled up in my arms and toss it in the trunk of the car we are going home in. We get to the hotel and go to the bar. I suddenly realize I have just lost my purse. I couldn't find it anywhere and it basically has everything I need in it. I start to panic and luckily NSYNC mania was sober and called his uncle who had found it laying on the parking lot floor. I don't know how that happened but apparently it did. I am too drunk to even care at this point and deal with it in the am. I am sharing a room with 3 other people. NSYNC Mania had to literally help me back to my room because I didn't know how to get there. He later said it was like watching a pin ball walk down the hall, I just bounced from one wall to the other stumbling my way to the room. I can't tell you how I got in, how I got dressed, or anything after that. I woke up in Cat Lady's tank top and my shorts face down while Cheerleader was in another bed next to me with our other friend. Cat Lady and I wake up and she looks at me and asks how I got the shirt on. I obviously do not remember, but she said it was the shirt at the bottom of her pile so I must have dug through her stuff and decided it was suitable to wear to bed. I guess even drunk I must want to look good?

I call up to the new Mr and Mrs and they say they are coming to my room. Heidi Who Who asked how her husband knew what room I was staying in, he had to explain that I would be lying in the middle of the hall at this point without his help. We all went back to their house a couple blocks away. Cheerleader and I get some White Castle to try to sober up. he lays down on their couch until it is time to drive him to the train station and literally looks green. I didn't know what to do. He had a long train ride home that he said was one of the worst things he has ever experienced. I got my purse back miraculously and was able to save all my pictures still!

A couple weeks later I return to their house to hang out and we head to Home Depot. On the way we pass the reception hall and I never realized how close we actually were. NSYNC makes a comment to me saying hey remember that, sadly I did not and felt awful. I have some of my best memories from that night and will never forget the shenanigans. I also will never get that drunk at a wedding, I mean I understand you are suppose to get drunk but hot mess is not in the cards. I definitely learned my lesson, or we will see in a couple weeks anyway!

Drink Offs

It's another Sunday. I worked a double the day before and woke up early to hit the pool with Dragonmaster. We were prepping for our Kickball game and me for another night of crazy work. Our game got canceled so i went straight into work and was bombarded with the teams coming in to drink. I quickly switched into work mode and raced around the front room. I had the Spirit Animals, Cobra Kai, and the Idiots. All 3 are big drinkers! The Spirit Animals and Cobra Kai are in a dead lock to see who can be the drinking champs of the Kickball season as Schoolyard. Both have their own strategies, both get wasted on Sundays, both want the title. Cant you picture the movie voice man in your head right now?!

Anyway I had all 3 teams drinking strong at this point. Shots were had, boots were made, and drinks were coming quickly. The Spirit Animals moved to the back of the bar so that they could commence flippy cup games so I had to give them up to the back waitress. I still had the Idiots and Cobra. The Idiots decided to have a food catching game up front. They would throw cookies and tater tots and try to catch them in their mouth. You could not cross the carpet line though to get it. I got to play for a little bit as some of the non kickball teams watched on in fascination that this was going on in the bar! They didn't stay super long and closed out their tabs early. It was down to having the red team only and let me tell you they kept me busy! All of them showed up this week prepared to drink their faces off to make up for missing the week before. They brought some Irish kids with them this time. The Irish obviously could drink and were contributing to the tab (I think they actually played the game with them as well that day) so the tab kept going up.

At one point I had a tab for them that was at $500 and the power went out. Now if you refer back to the Blackhawks blackout I started to panic! I thought it was just our bar that went out. We had some engineers in the room though and they went to the dark basement to try to figure out what was going on. We learned a bit later that the whole block had gone out so it wasn't just our bar! The lights came back about 20 minutes later and drinking resumed. I had a table that was so confused when the teams kept saying we need to buy more and make the tab larger! I explained that the teams win a trophy and bragging rights at the end of the season. They were still a bit baffled that this was going on. However they were enjoying it nonetheless.

So I kept going up to USA and Captain D (he basically takes all the receipts and makes sure everything adds up and is the Dad of the red team) and telling them they needed to step up their game. He was having trouble because everyone was getting so drunk at this point, and he was upset with one of their players because she was joining the Spirit Animals, I don't know the drama that went on behind it or if there was something else going on so I choose to ignore and stay out after a certain point. Anyway the bombs kept coming along with the goldschlagger, and thankfully no Jameson! Eric had done the reffing for that day so he was busy playing flip cup and drinking as well. He kept worrying that I was too drunk to drive home. I literally had 2 shots all day. He later told me I had been hanging out with Dragonmaster all day and he thought we were drinking because apparently when I hang out with her that's what we do? I find that statement funny because we rarely have drank together! Even Saturday days have not consisted of Dragonbombs or Car bombs to start the day off right. I think we need to make that a staple in our Saturday shifts again.

Ok back to the story. So the teams are competing and USA decides to tell me that his roommate does this funny dance when he is drunk. I of course seize this opportunity to take a video. Let me tell you this kid was hilarious. I will call him Harlem, because it looked like he was attempting the Harlem shake!Here is what the dance looks like. I am sorry that it is sideways, I am not able to figure out how to turn it so you can see it, blonde here remember?




So anyway the night goes on and he continues to dance. At this point everyone else has left and I just have Cobra Kai and the Spirit Animals. Both of the teams are starting to wind down and I close out the red team. No joke their tab was $800 something. They were having a tough time collecting the money because the Irish kids did not want to pay for some reason. It finally all got worked out and we all left. I drove myself and my drunk brother home, this time thankfully there was no vomit, we got some breakfast where I felt bad for our server because it was dead and he looked like he hated life. I left a more than generous tip and hope that karma comes back to me soon! I know this wasn't a great ending to a blog but whatever it's my blog so deal with it!!

On a Wednesday?

Every Wednesday we have amazing deals at the bar. Its $5 food and $3 drafts. On Wednesdays I also want to shoot half the people I serve. We get a lot of regulars who take care of us but then you get those cheap mofos who feel they only need to tip a couple bucks when you just got your food for practically nothing, thanks assholes hope that you also receive a ticket on your car to make up for the money you didn't give me when I ran around and got you 2 ranches, 5 diet cokes with lime, and 3 waters, and whatever else your ridiculous requests were during my busy time. Ugh enough with the ranting. So on a typical Wed us girls get our asses kicked and are usually done by 10:30 or 11 and then we generally need a drink. I tend to go on my long journey home and relax before I hit the bed. This Wed though, things were different.

My brother had come in to work as well and some of his friends came to the bar so we decided to stay and have some cocktails. 2 of my favorite girls came into the bar as well. We will name them Cuervo and flasher. Cuervo because this is all the girl drinks and flasher for my dear friend who felt she needed to keep flashing me the next night at Cubby Bear. So they arrive and have some dinner and drinks. I finish up with my tables and decide to hang out. I am being talked into staying for awhile and going to Houndstooth. I repark my car in case I need to stay in the city and head on over to the other bar. At this point it is me, Cuervo, and Flasher. Flasher paralell parked in front of a cop like a pro, a little buzz helps instead of imparing your driving, stupid traffic classes have no clue what they are talking about, jokes on them. Anyway we arrive into Houndstooth and instantly grab drinks and shots (I mean it's Wednesday so why not right?) I made friends with the bartender (Lou) and we went to join my brother and his friends at their table. Cuervo decided to be lord of the dance and set her purse down with some randoms and let the legs do the work. She just couldnt stop! i had downed some drinks and more Jamo (more than I should have at this point) and the rest of our group joined us shortly after. Mrs. Southside, Muffy, Asian Situation, Kirkvegas and our newest recruit USA. (USA is called that because he always has some sort of American flag with him, he is also a part of the red team.) So anyway my brothers friends leave and so does Flasher. Cuervo starts to get a bit to drunk and we put her in a cab (after fighting with her to not walk through the city of chicago by herself) and then it's the Schoolyard crew.

We are all pretty nice and toasty at this point and close down Houndstooth so where do you go for an afterhours bar? Tai's til 4, duh. Now I have never been to Tai's but had promised Mrs. Southside that she would be the first to pop my cherry there. So we head on over in Kirkvegas car and get front row parking. We walk in with everyone and basically there were 10 other people there. We play pool, well I attempted but did not do well because I was seeing 2 balls and not one. (That's what she said) I gave up and am talking to someone (couldn't tell you who at this point) when Muffy comes up and says look what your brother did. Apparently he puked all over the floor. So he was escorted out and I went outside in the pouring rain to talk to him. One of the guys walked out and said youre not getting back in. At this point I had 2 options, tell him to go back to my car and sit there until I was ready and sober up or take him home right away. I then saw Asian Situation give me the hold up a second finger. He talked to the guys and let Eric back in however he was not allowed to drink anymore. I guess what happened was that USA had bought him a shot and Eric had just done one and it didnt sit well so he puked it back up. He felt so bad and went and apologized to everyone. At this point I was tired and decided I wanted to go home. My dumbass thought I could drive, luckily my friends are amazing and don't let me go anywhere. So Eric and I head back with Mrs. Southside to her apartment.

She offers us beer but I opted out, then she makes us popcorn. Seriously so funny all night because she wanted to feed us. We talked for another hour or so about every random thing possible. I then decide I need to hit the bed. So eric sleeps on a yoga mat on the floor and I take the couch. I wake up around 10 something and kick eric to go home. we walked back to schoolyard and my car (while I was vomiting the whole way back , sorry streets of chicago) we finally make it back after getting turned around and i hop in my car, air full blast. All I wanted to do was fully throw up everything in my stomach at this point but there were too many witnesses so i held it in. I then drove my ass home which took forever (thanks construction) and got to the main road to get to my house. I felt the bile rise up into my throat but had no where to turn at this point. I tried to speed my way home and finally arrive just in the nick of time.

You must understand I live in the burbs right now where people tend to their yards and wash their cars outside and take their dogs for leisurly walks. I on the other hand choose to vomit in these yards and make a scene. So I saw my neighbor out and thought I can't hold it any longer. He was in his garage so I tried to do it quick, I then walked and got to my bushes where everything just came out. I don't know if he heard but I am pretty sure he saw me. I then walked the 2 steps to my door and went straight to bed until 4pm. At that point I had to get up and get ready for another night out with my friends. I had 2 drinks and did not vomit! So not much to write on Thursady night. However who gets that wasted on a wed night?! Apparently I do?

Stranded at the Yard

Shirts that some of the patrons made to celebrate


Happy fourth of July everyone! Well technically it's the fifth but whatever it's all the same right? I started my morning out by waking up early (well later than I had anticipated) and going to the city. I packed a bag with clothes for work at night, make up, hair, and anything else I would need. You see I had planned on spending the day with Dragonmaster at the pool and then we would go into the bar and drink and have a good time. My plans changed a bit on Thursday because I was asked to be back up bartender. I of course accepted the shift and just decided to be careful while drinking. So anyways I arrive at Dragonmaster's and we head to the pool. It is an Olympic sized pool with lots of preggo women in bikinis!

We laid out and enjoyed the sun and the freezing cold pool. Later on Muffy and some of the regulars joined us and entertained us for awhile. Dragonmaster decided to jump into the pool during the time out session and get yelled at but in her words "I do what I want!" So the sun started to go down and we went back to her place and got ready, I was prepared to go in for work and have some fun. We ordered half the menu and I couldn't drink, just wasn't feeling it. Dragonmaster started downing the beers and seemed fine. The afternoon turned into evening and Asian Situation allowed me to go see fireworks! So myself, Dragonmaster, Mrs. Southside, and the former Sunday Funday who is now going to be known as COA or center of attention, went down to M-towns gorgeous rooftop deck. He invited us since we would all be around and he was having people over.

We walked down to the rooftop with COA super bombed and she saw some of her idiots and tried to walk out into traffic to go see them. Luckily Mrs. Southside was able to stop her! We arrived at the apt and went to the rooftop. They had food and tables and music going and M-town almost got iced but he blocked and returned the serve to Ice Cubed (who was formerly SoCO) I have changed some names due to requests or things that would identify them more! I don't know if they had been doing it all day or what but it seemed that as soon as the SYT staff arrived so did the icing! So we watched a million different fireworks displays and then it started to fill up at the bar. I headed back with the girls and got ready for a rowdy night. on the way home COA's shoe came undone so she sat on the ground trying to fix it and then got up and showed her butt to everyone. She put a firework tattoo on her ass and made sure everyone saw it! We arrived at the bar and I left my purse next to Dragonmaster's behind the bar and didn't have a chance to go to it all night.

I was staying at her house that night and wanted to make sure she was going to make it all night. She was dancing around with just her bikini top on and had stopped drinking. I told everyone to watch her and make sure she was ok. Well we got pretty busy and I didn't get a chance to keep an eye on the girl so I lost her and figured she would let me know before she leaves. I should have known better. Closing time came and everyone left. I searched for Dragonmaster but she disappeared, with someone. We continuously called the guy she left with and no answer. See the reason we called was because at some point when she left she grabbed my purse instead of hers. She must have thought that since it was black it was hers. I started freaking out because it had my phone, keys, money, id, everything that i use in my life in there. So I kinda freaked on everyone who said for me to calm down. I feel bad about it now so everyone who was there and listening to my tirade i am super sorry and didn't mean it! I was freaking out because I didn't know what I was goign to do. So I decided to just go back to her place and wait for her to return. My brother drove me over there and I used her keys from her purse to get in. AS I walked into her house I saw my purse and all my stuff there. I was never as relieved as I was at that moment. I packed up my stuff and headed out. I finally arrived home at 4:30am and went straight to bed.

I awoke the next morning with a text saying I am sorry, now I am not mad because all of my stuff is there. I was nervous though, so again to anyone I was rude to I apologize. At least I got to see fireworks and have some fun. Also she and I both got extremely burnt and people felt they needed to tell us. It was annoying after awhile because it's like really you think we don't feel this crazy burn down our backs?! Thank you captain obvious!So to conclude do not leave your purse next to a drunk Dragonmaster because she may take it and leave you stranded without any idea what to do!!!

Polar Bear '07

Well not much has happened this week in the good ole' yard so back to random college stories! I went to SIUC and we had a tradition every winter, it's called Polar Bear. One of the bars down there throws an all day drinking fest. Coronas are usually no more than $2.50 and the lines begin out the door starting at what seems like 9am. I believe the doors open at 10. I have not been in awhile so the information could be wrong. Anyway basically people just get black out drunk for cheap and stand in the freezing cold beer garden waiting in hours long lines for the bathroom and trudging thorugh broken glass and piss all for the sake of saying they experience Polar Bear. I worked it one year and honestly have not been back since. The crowds and the annoying young under agers who frequent this party are not for me!

So my last year in the dirty dale I was working that night, basically we get the overflow from Polar Bear and we were an indoor bar so everyone would come to warm up there and spend some money. I didn't have to be in til later that night so I hung out with some friends. My cousin K-fed came in the night before and partied at my bar. He got hammered wasted and his friend actually ended up getting in a fight, can't remember if it was with a person or the cement ground, either way he broke his nose and there was blood all over the sidewalk. I remember leaving that night and looking at all the blood and my only thought was shit now I know my cousin was here. (we have a tendency of getting in trouble at bars) so I called to make sure he was safe and he said his friend went back to ISU with a broken nose, whoops.

So back to that Saturday. My cousin came in for the Polar Bear experience and arrived at the bar at 10am. He said after waiting in line forever they finally got in but it was not worth the wait for a beer or the bathroom. Once you left you had to get back in the never ending line and it was just too much. They stumbled their way back to my apt where the guys next door were having a party. Most of them worked at my bar so they all opted out of the experience as well. I took K-fed over with his friends and everyone was getting drunk. We sat on the couch facing the whole room to watch everyone. Well one of the guys who previously worked for me and decided it wasn't for him and got in a fight (don't worry I think it's funny now) showed up blacked out. We will call him CPD because he now works for the CPD. I started attempting a convo with him but he was definitely out of it. He looked to my right where my cousin was standing, and said who's this guy? I explained it was my cousin who came in for the party. He said oh nice and gave him a big hug.

Conversation resumed about lord knows what and then CPD looks to my left and sees my cousin's friend, he says who's this guy? I tell him this is so and so with my cousin. He goes oh ok and gives him a hug. He looks to my right and said who's this guy? I again explain it is my cousin whom he just met. He goes in for another hug. Again we start talking and I shit you not 2 minutes later he looks at K-fed and says, who's this guy? By this point I am uncontrollably laughing and my cousin is trying to not make his sarcastic comments. We have and audience as well as they have noticed CPD has now asked the same question multiple times. So CPD goes in for another hug and my cousin can't contain himself he said yea buddy I love you too, brothers hug, and CPD goes are we brothers? Oh man I had to sit down and laugh and CPD goes who are you? K-fed looks at me and says is this real? I unfortunately nod my head and tell him we can leave. We both are enjoying this a little too much so we decide to stay.

As the night progresses we see CPD start chasing girls around and trying to hug them, not in a creepy way but in a i love everyone type of way. so as he was chasing girls around the table he also stopped and looked at k-fed and again said who is this guy? at this point i had to go get ready for work and leave so he came back and got some wise guys and joined me at the bar.

Somehow CPD made it out that night and kept hanging around my cousin. I guess brothers really do hug? One of these days I will tell you the story of my staff member Biggie J and him falling down the stairs 5 minutes before work....next time kids next time along with France's bio!