All She Wants...

Ok so nothing great has been happening in the bar world really. Well unless you count Sweat Pants Boner Sunday which basically was a couple of us hanging out and Cowboy Casanova broke the finger off of one of those hulk hands and well it looked like a large male member. Dragonmaster had sweat pants on so she put it in her pants and it looked disturbingly real! Shoulder Shake (until I come up with a better name) dipped it in ranch and was putting it on people's face, yes gross but so funny at the same time. So anyway I decided to break down another song and put my own twist on it. Here it is in all it's glory, so confusing but it's my mind so it makes sense.

All she wants to do is dance, and all I want to do is figure out what is going on in this song. We have all heard it, we have all sang to it, we have all dance to it. Have we all actually listened to the lyrics though? Really they make no sense. I guess if you just pair a catchy tune with some lyrics no one will notice. I am on to you Don Henley and you sir are about to be exposed. This whole song is a bit weird and I will do my best to figure out what the fuck drugs were taken, ingested, smoked, shot up at the time this song was made.

Mandy I hope I make you proud with this interpretation and if I don’t well it’s my writing anyway so deal.

All She Wants to do is Dance

They're picking up the prisoners
All putting them in a pen
And all she wants to do is dance,dance

Apparently the song needs to start off by creating a visual scene for us. I like to picture palm trees and white sand beaches and tan people walking around. This particular writer decided to make us visualize someone, I am assuming cops, picking up prisoners and putting them in jail. Or maybe it is slave traders who are picking up these poor escaped prisoners and are going to sell them on the black market, ha prisoners you thought you had it bad before with the butt raping! So this is the beginning of the bizarre song and the third line has absolutely nothing to do with prisoners or pens, because all she wants to do is dance. Maybe they are saying she doesn’t care what is going on around her because the drugs she is on are so freaking awesome that she just wants to dance, I smellllll ecstasy!!

Rebels have been rebels since I don't know when
And all she wants to do is dance

This above line doesn’t make sense, surprised, not really. Rebels have always been rebels since Jesse James and the king of England and good god this makes no sense. Apparently though since rebels have always been rebels and there is no relevance within this song this girl just wants to dance. Maybe being a rebel means you just want to dance and have no cares and it is all she wants to do to make her feel better by dancing.

Molotov cocktail,the local drink
And all she wants to do is dance

I guess Molotov cocktail is the local drink in the pen or wherever they are and she wants to dance. The only thing that I can think is that this cocktail equals roofies and she wants to drink it and dance her ass off and probably get laid. The local drink consists of everclear, robitussin, GHB, probably some lemonade and maybe grenadine. That is what I am picturing in my head anyway. I think that drink would make me want to dance dance as well.

They mix them up right in the kitchen sink
And all she wants to do is dance

They mix the roofiecoloda up in the kitchen sink. That is all this is saying right here. It is like a meth lab you do it in your house so no one can see it and well it makes sense that you can get women to dance and go crazy. Why not create a drink out of a kitchen sink and serve it for $5 a pop, it’s like being at a frat party and selling cups of shitty beer and jello shots mixed with acid, why not?

Crazy people walking around with blood in their eyes
And all she wants to do is dance,dance,dance

Why the fuck does someone have blood in their eyes?! Is the blood because they are zombies and crazy or because they have also taken the drugs that Don Henley is on? Apparently the girl who wants to dance doesn’t notice the blood in people’s eyes and instead wants to do the robot. I think that if I saw blood in people’s eyes I would not want to go dance on the booth I would probably want to run as far away from the zombie people as I possibly can.

Wild-eyed pistol wavers who ain't afraid to die
And all she wants to do is
All she wants to do is dance,dance
And make romance

I think the pistol wavers are actually gang bangers and that line actually makes sense at this point. This may be the only line that makes sense in the whole song to me. Then it goes back to talking about her dancing and dancing and maybe she is dancing in the face of gun control? Maybe this is all a metaphor for sticking it to the man. Maybe I have been reading this the wrong way and am unsure of how to proceed forth with the rest of the song. A dilemma has come a foot. Oh and now she wants to make romance. She wants to make romance to the bloody zombies or the gang members. Maybe both, maybe she is all about the gang bang in this case. Get it where ya can girl.

She can't feel the heat comming off the street
She wants to party
She wants to get down
All she wants to do
All she wants to is dance

She apparently wants to make romance in the last verse but she can’t feel the heat coming off the street. Unless it is super hot out I don’t think anyone can feel the heat coming off the street. Maybe this is more on gun control, she can’t feel the “heat” (guns) being taken off the street like the legislature promised. Maybe she is to scared to do anything or go outside her door at night. Apparently that is not the case if you read on, she wants to party and get down, and she wants to have fun and be free and not worry about gun control and littering. She wants to be able to go out in the street with her boom box and tutu and get crazy, she just wants to dance.


Well the goverment,bugged the men's room
In the local disco lounge
All she wants to do is dance,dance

The government is now filled with a bunch of pervs listening to what guys pissing are talking about. Awesome. The local disco may be a cover for a string of thugs and they want to stop the guns from being sold illegally so they tried to bug the men’s room because who in their right mind would do deals in a bathroom stall, am I right? The government must have seen those made for tv movies where kids sell drugs, or oregano depending on your stupidity, to the youngsters, I digress they have bested the dancer. I am beginning to think this dancer girl is a secret agent sent to spy on everyone and take them down. I am not sure why she needs to do it through the art of dance however, why can’t she take a page from Boondock Saints and just saddle up and take them out. The 80s were not nice to their gun slinging agents.

To keep the boys from selling

All the weapons they can scrounge
All she wants to do is dance

Ok reading more into the song basically if you take out the “all she wants to do is dance” part the song makes more sense. The government is involved in a crazy scheme to keep the boys from selling weapons, probably to the Iraqis, and giving them a force to be concerned about. This is why they tapped the bathroom and this is why they are being super creepy in the local disco, which by the way who the hell says disco anymore? I guess though this crazy lady still just wants to dance her pants off.

But that don't keep the boys
From making a buck or two
And all she wants to do is dance,dance

The “boys” are not caring about any consequences and will continue to do illegal things in order to make some money. I am guessing they are all poor and don’t care who gets hurt as long as they can feed their 5 children and 3 different baby mamas at home. Zing! And this broad wants to dance………still.

They still can sell the army
All the drugs that they can do
And all she wants to do is
All she wants to do is dance
And make romance

At this point I am getting really annoyed by this dancer because I have a lot of other stuff I can write about but I can’t forge to include her in the song because she still wants to dance and bang a bunch of dudes. The boys are now drug dealers for the army which is awesome, because doing drugs and playing with heavy artillery is exactly what I would hope they would do overseas. Maybe they are selling to the foreign army so that they are inept when trying to fight the good ole US of A. I really hope they put this girl in the front line and have her tap dance around the enemy and they shoot her quick.


Well,we barley made the airport
For the last plane out
As we taxied down the runway
I could hear the people shout they said:
"Don't come back here again.Yankee"
But if I do I'll bring back more money
Cause all she wants to do is dance
And make romance

I couldn’t even split this verse up because it makes absolutely no sense. Don Henley barely made it to the airport to escape from the people he is running from this whole time. I picture a bunch of thugs running after him with guns that he sold them and shouting about him not coming back to the south. I assume they are in the south because those are the only idiots who still use the term Yankee in a derogatory sentence. This idiot Yankee though said that he will come back with more money, for drugs, guns, who knows, and probably bring this girl because you guessed it all she wants to do it dance. I think she was the pawn; she was taking the focus off him and his dealings by her obnoxious dancing. Can you imagine an 80s girl complaining the whole time that she just wants to dance and make romance, yea I wouldn’t notice the secret drug deals or government bugging either!

Nevermind the heat
Comming off the street
She wants to party
She wants to get down
All she wants to do is
All she wants to do is dance
And make romance
All she wants to do is dance

So this asshole escapes with his life and his lady love and he is worried still about her dancing. He has no idea what he has gotten himself into because he wants to make money and sell illegal objects and his idiot girlfriend only cares about the beat. She doesn’t care that people are firing at her plane and trying to kill her and her lousy boyfriend, she is probably jazz handsing it out in the middle of the plane. Oh to be young, stupid and naïve again.

Basically I have a couple theories on this song. This man was a secret government agent turned bad. He met up with the wrong crew who showed him how to be a thug and make more money while maintaining his status with the government. He was able to bring them illegal weapons and tried to sell them. He also bugged the men’s room so that government could see the bad guys and arrest them, but not before the secret agent got his share of the money. On the flip side he brought along his deranged girlfriend who only wants to party and dance and has no clue that her boyfriend works for a top secret agency. For some reason she was included in the song because it sounded good with the beat. That is the only logical explanation I can come up with for this song. I am baffled and unsure of the underlying meaning, I do plan to continue to read more and find out what the hell this was all really about.

Stupid Customer

Ok Dippin Cheese has sent this on to me and I have to pass it on to everyone here. You may have to click on the link, but we have all been in this position. Unless you are industry you don't understand that this is a real issue. We all have those douche bag people in our areas at times. When we smile and nod at you if you act like this we are actually plotting your demise in our heads...enjoy and thanks to my friend who probably just made my day that much brighter with this!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2rYDc0flRg&feature=player_embedded#

Baby It's...Rapey Outside?

Memoir of a disturbing holiday song:

With the holidays upon us I have been gearing up with Christmas cheer by listening to one of my all time favorite winter songs. As I am singing along to this tune I am reminded of the variety show that my sorority and friendly neighbor fraternity put on my freshman year. We teamed up and used Christmas as our theme with elaborate costumes, script, dancing, and singing. One of the chosen songs was “Man With the Bag”, now that is just to easy to pick on, hello Santa the drug dealer, but this song I am about to dissect eluded me at the time.

I had no idea that rape was so big in 1944, but luckily if you were a blue eyed crooner anything goes. So it is with a heavy heart that I learned of this song’s hidden meaning and will divulge the information to the rest of the good people of the US. This is not to say that I will no longer listen and belt my lungs out to it, oh no this is just to open our eyes to what really went on in those poor, war filled days. (Was there a war then or am I making this up?)

Baby It’s Cold Outside

I really can't stay
(but baby it's cold outside)
I've got to go away
(but baby it's cold outside)

Alright it starts off simple enough, the woman begins singing about how she must be on her way, maybe to meet another paramour or to get home to the dogs, we are unsure. The “gentleman” in this song decides that he has to point out the obvious that it is cold outside and repeats it incessantly through out this entire song. Here begins the pleading that all women find so attractive in a man (insert sarcasm.)

This evening has been
(been hoping that you'd drop in)
So very nice
(i'll hold your hands, they're just like ice)

She is politely saying it’s been a pleasure stopping in but I need to get the fuck outta here dude. This guy is sending subliminal messages while she talks about hoping she would stop in because he wants to get some. He knew he could woo her as soon as she dropped in by telling her it is cold outside and that her hands are the proof. He is going to hold her hand in order to make sure she doesn’t step foot outside the door. I am sure heavy hand holding leads to heavy petting which leads to clothes on the floor in front of the fire place because body heat will keep you warm. At least that’s what I was told.

My mother will start worry
(beautiful whats your hurry)
My father will be pacing the floor
(listen to the fireplace roar)

Woman is now basically saying ok man you are getting pretty handsy there and my mom is going to put out an amber alert if you don’t let me go. Ahh and the man of course uses pretty words, because alas we all fall for being told we are pretty. Sigh, the curse of being a woman. She is still struggling with her conscience right now because it is 1944 after all and women did not stay the night with men they were not married to, had this song been written by now this man would have had to just her some shots and its all systems go.

Anyway she is trying to remember the modesty her dad has taught her and says he will be waiting up for her. I am not sure how old this girl is suppose to be but I think she is lying, I mean really your dad is going to be pacing waiting for you? On the flipside homeboy here is trying to tell her it is warm and inviting in front of the fireplace and they should go sit and be cozy and talk about how cold it is outside for a bit. Also if you sit in front of the fireplace it gets hotter meaning you take off more clothing in the mean time. Ahh tricky trick this one.

So really i'd better scurry
(beautiful please don't hurry)
but maybe just a half a drink more
(put some records on while i pour)

It’s about to get real weird here people, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Lady says still she needs to scurry along and make it home before her dad gets the village people (not the singing group) to come with their torches and find this young crooner. Again he uses the lines we all like to hear, please call me beautiful and I will do whatever you ask of me, unless it involves anal beads that is out of the question. And he is starting to wear her down.

She says she will have a half a drink, I don’t know bout everyone else but a half a drink is unlikely, what type of drink, a rum and coke, whiskey on the rocks, I mean what are we talking here? This fine upstanding gentleman says go put on some music while I pour you a drink. Instantly this is where it gets a bit strange. Go turn your back on me while I pour this drink and possibly slip a roofie in it because you won’t stay willingly. Now I would ask him at this point if he had a Keith Sweat record because that would only make things even more awkward for everyone. So she obligingly goes and finds some records and he pours her a drink, hmmmm.


the neighbors might faint
(baby it's bad out there)
say what's in this drink
(no cabs to be had out there)

After she decides to stay for another drink she starts to think about the neighbors, well sweetie if they’re going to talk, better give them something to talk about. I like to quote the always glamorous Marilyn here “well behaved women never made history.” So, again, our gentleman lover had decided to remind her that it is bad out in the snow and getting colder as the night wears on. All the sudden she starts to taste something funny in her drink or starts to feel the effects of the GHB that has been slipped into her drink. I know what it is like to be roofied and you don’t have a taste of anything you just kind of start to slip away into the world. Smooth one mister, let’s hope she isn’t totally unconscious for this act you have in mind. However he totally by passes her comment and continues on letting her know that it is so bad the cab drivers are no longer on the road, whoops looks like you are stuck here you little lady you.


i wish i knew how
(your eyes are like starlight now)
to break this spell
(i'll take your hat, your hair looks swell)

I am fairly convinced that at this point she has no idea what she is saying and how to get out of being stuck in this man’s house. He is telling her that her eyes look glassy (success on the drugs he purchased behind the ally that day.) She wants to come out of this hazy stage and know what is going on. Ah but this man is on top of his game, he will take your hat so you must stay because a lady does not leave the house without her hat on. As he does this a compliment will take her attention away from that fact that she no longer has control of her movements, yes this is all going according to plan.


i ought to say "no, no, no sir"
(mind if i move in closer)
at least i'm gonna say that i tried
(what's the sense in hurtin' my pride)
i really can't stay
(oh baby don't hold out)

She messes up here and says I ought to say no, you should have said no bitch then it would have held up in a court of law, oh the stupidity of the women before us. Now he is asking permission if he can get closer to her, yea after you roofied her you think you need permission? She is going to say that she tried to say no and dissuade him from his original plan, maybe she is just kind of slutty and is asking for it? He is using the typical guy line, why would you want to hurt me baby, I just want to love you. We have all seen it in the movies, I doubt that was common back then so she is going to let it happen because back then men were the ones who controlled the situation and life. However she will try one last plea to get out of this house and into the cold and escape from his clutches. He is asking that she not leave him “hanging” as we all know the myth that is associated with this sentence. Fail.

both:baby it's cold out side

Stating the obvious yet again.

i simply must go
(but baby it's cold outside)
the answer is no
(but baby it's cold outside)

She is still trying to get out of this and yet her eyes are starting to droop and she is not sure why she is so tired and why everything sounds twisted and muffled in her brain. All he is saying is it’s cold outside, come on dude use some new lines. Here she says no, you go girl!!

your welcome has been
(how lucky that you dropped in)
so nice and warm
(look out the window at that storm)

Thank you sir for taking me in and you have kept me warm but it is time to move on and below is a list of reasons why I must be going forth with my journey home. Guy: I am going to pretend you are not talking and just keep reminding you how shitty it is outside and that I am happy you are here now. Oh shit did this just turn into Silence of the Lambs?!

my sister will be suspicious
(gosh your lips look delicious)
my brother will be there at the door
(waves upon the tropical shore)

Her sister will now be waiting with her dad and apparently her brother. They will want to know where she has been and why she is returning at the crack of 10pm and if her chastity has been taken from her. Again guy doesn’t care just says he wants to eat her lips apparently. Yup shits getting weirder, damn roofies. I am not sure why he is talking about waves on a tropical shore but he has my attention now, I am in, unless he plans on bringing me to an island where I am alone and chopped into bits, wow these people had crazy minds back then to!

my maiden aunts mind is vicious
(gosh your lips are delicious)
but maybe just a cigarette more
(never such a blizzard before)

Her aunt who is a maiden still because she is either ugly, fat, or poor is sitting there putting thoughts into her families heads about what their dear daughter is doing. I would flip her the bird when I got home and just say yea at least I am pretty. Apparently he has now tasted her lips and is wooing her into staying longer because he wants more to taste.

Now I have recently quit smoking so it upsets me that this is the song because I am about to rip someone’s head off in order to get one. So she is now saying a cigarette more. You can lace those puppies up to when you are not looking and make them into something more dangerous then a roofie. However this guy doesn’t seem clever enough to think of something like that so I will let him slide on this particular offense. It has now started to blizzard outside, or he has someone standing outside with a snow blower hitting the windows to make it look worse then it is so he can get a piece of ass.

i've gotta get home
(but baby you'd freeze out there)
say lend me a coat
(it's up to your knees out there)

She is doing her best to go home again and she may actually have a way out. He tries saying frostbite is a serious problem, but if you have been in a snow storm before you know that when it is snowing it actually isn’t that cold out at the time so ha gotcha sucka. She says give me your coat (oh man her maiden aunt is going to be pissed at that one!) He chimes back with it’s up to your knees out there. He wishes she were on his knees now because his “pride” is hurting, good one bro. She seems to be making her escape finally, how she will get home we don’t know but she is on a mission!

you've really been grand
(i thrill when you touch my hand)
but don't you see?
(how can you do this thing to me?)

Ah young love just kidding she’s not leaving at all. She pays her compliments and he makes sure she knows that she gives him butterflies in his downstairs. She tries to tell him why she can’t stay again and why it would be bad for her reputation and he asks how she can just leave him like this. I must say persistence is key in this particular lover’s quarrel and it seems that he is wearing her down. I am sure she is kicking herself for having that last drink, damn him for giving me the courage to spread my legs, welp let’s hope it’s good for her sake!

there's bound to be talk tomorrow
(think of my lifelong sorrow)
at least there will be plenty implied
(if you got pneumonia and died)
i really can't stay
(get over that old out)

She is afraid of her reputation and what people would think, which is logical and she hopes that he starts to see it. What if they don’t get married, the she is scarred with the reputation of a hussy and will forever be the “slut” of the society crowd. What a cross to bear, what to do, who to turn to?! He is saying he will forever be saddened if they don’t get down and dirty tonight, really dude, that is your excuse? Now she is going along with it, that enough will be implied to make her a bad girl or for him to buy her a ring. I am sure she is ready to be married off and this could be the way to get him, yes sleep with him get pregnant and then he will be hers forever! Oh he was actually sad that if she went into the cold she would get pneumonia and die, well isn’t that sweet and this whole time we thought it was all about the sex. She says again she really can’t stay for her reputation and because it would turn out bad. I think she did the brush up against his junk and decided it wasn’t worth it. He is saying get over that expression and just stay; they have been arguing it for so long now, why not.

both: baby it's cold
baby it's cold outside

She breaks down and stays because well apparently it is cold outside.

So this was my interpretation of the song and how I feel this man preyed on this girl. I think this is one of the best songs ever, I am not sure why I love it so much, maybe cause Dean Martin is sexy and I would have been a girl that fell for his lines as well. Maybe I read this whole thing wrong and really he is a good guy who was worried about his gal. I didn’t live back then so I don’t know what was morally right and wrong, I just know that I have my opinions on how strict everyone was and let me tell you I would not have lasted in high society, unless I snagged a wealthy bachelor.

However this song is a classic and will be played on the radio plenty of times and every time you hear it you can think about the creepy rape scene that will be ingrained into your minds forever because now you know the truth about “Baby It’s Cold Outside.”

Keith Sweat Makes Things Weird

As another weekend passes us we sit around and think about what the last week brought and how we will better our tomorrows. As Sunday approaches for us industry people we breathe a sigh of relief that our "work week" is over. When I say work week I mean Friday and Saturday, yes hate on us we are use to it. Anywho I awoke this particular Sunday with a ginormous spider bite on my right shoulder, a pillow covering my face (I hate sunlight in the morning) and on a pretty comfy couch. You see I lost my license for 30 days and have to revert back to being 15 years old, awesome I know. I worked a dub on Saturday and stayed the night at Dragonmaster's house. Well Saturday was a ton of fun because it was the SIU vs. U of I basketball game. I had a ton of my SIU friends in and got them nice and hammered. After the game though everyone cleared out and it was up to us to make the most of our night. We started taking some shots and loosening up a bit. When I say we took a few shots that is not to say we didn't work at all. We still worked our asses off.

By the end of the night we were a little buzzed and instead of going to the after hours bar we went home. I am pretty sure this is our third attempt at going to Tais and well it just never happens that way. So I grab my stuff and we head out to catch a cab. Luckily Dalton is there to save the day. We jump in his car and I start thinking about all the shots that I mixed and my stomach starts to turn. I tell him I may vomit so get ready, but I really wanted nachos. Dragonmaster tells him where to go for nachos, well don't ask 2 drunk girls where to go because we told him her apartment. Dragonmaster says don't worry I have Special K for us, at this point I don't want to eat anymore. We literally stayed up talking for 2 hours and fell asleep mid convo. I covered her with a blanket on the floor (she was asleep in her work clothes and a coat) and put myself to bed.

Fast forward 4 hours later, yea that's right we both woke up only 4 short hours later. We again picked up from where we left off the night before and started laughing about the ridiculousness and why people think us being together is a good idea? So we wait a couple hours and head back to "home" to find the Bears game going strong. We walked in and our coworkers just shook their heads and asked how we were feeling. I am pretty sure everyone thought we were blacked out or super drunk, jokes on you guys, we were actually just tipsy!

So we have a DJ now for Saturdays and Sundays during the Bears game. I think I told you about him in my last blog, DJ Snoop. Well DJ Snoop had the pleasure of dealing with us being next to him this particular Sunday and somehow we got started on him playing creepy songs during the game. I suggested Keith Sweat's Nobody (pretty sure it is circa '97 or something, google it and you will remember junior high dances) anyway I told him to play it during the next commercial. Normally it is upbeat party songs that go on, but this one was priceless. He played it and everyone in the bar looked really weirded out. They weren't sure how to handle the sexual connotations of Keith Sweat and i think some got uncomfortable, which made it even better for us. We tried to find more creepy music but it didn't happen.

DJ Snoop tried to pretend this was normal while Dragonmaster and myself just sat there cracking up. Apparently the sexual songs are not highly favored, who knew? I have already begun looking for creepy songs to have played next week during game time and when we do our Thanksgiving with the bar family I am pretty sure Keith Sweat will be on a loop with all of us getting super creepy. Ah Sundays, you just cant beat them!

Here is the Keith Sweat song in case you are too lazy to google it yourself:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlJN-sx8B8M

Farewell Dance Magic

It is with a heavy heart that I write this blog. We have lost one of our beloved bouncers to unfortunate circumstance. His laughter and joy were ever contagious and he would make the most of any situation. He would enter the bar and his jolly laugh would light up even the coldest hearts. His big bear hugs and lifts could mend your aching soul. His ability to intimidate the unitimidated was epic, and you always knew he was there to have your back. My life will be a little darker without him around. You never knew what to expect to come out of his mouth as his sense of humor was one of a kind. He will forever be missed and forever we will look to the right, or exactly .9 miles, to see his silhouette at another bar's front step. Who will yell out to guests," Welcome to (can't put bars name here because I signed a paper.)" He is preceded in leaving by many countless yellow shirts and has left his cousin, Dalton, behind to carry on the legacy. I know I will see him around and on various occasions, but it will not be the same as I will not have the assurance that I get to enjoy his spirit and life every weekend.

The first time I met Dance Magic he was working the door and I had just returned from living in Florida. I was pumped to see my friends and bar family whom I had missed dearly. I ascended the steps and bounced into the bar ready to be greeted with many hugs, only to be stopped by a man who's beard reminded me of Santa Clause. He asked for my ID and I looked at him like he was crazy and proceeded into the bar. I explained that I to was an employee and he said he didn't care and that he needed an ID. I gave it to him with a bit of hesitation because I was not sure if he was serious as Muffy had told him I was a member of the staff as well. He looked at it and handed it back to me. I soon forgot that there were any problems with the ID because I met up with my friends.

He came by to pick up glasses and check on everything and began singing and dancing to the music, I believe it was Lady Gaga at this point. I knew then that I loved him because of his spirit and outgoing personality. I had to figure this man out and I did, I figured out he is one of the most genuine people I know and that he was a true friend. I also found out he was Dalton's cousin and it made me love him more. We have a mutual love for all things musical and I requested he watch Glee, he did and loved it as well. We have a mutual love for movies, musicals, and anything entertainment.

I was fortunate to have met this gentleman and to be graced by his presence. I can't put into words how much he will be missed and can only hope to carry on his outgoing, entertaining, spirit with every shift I work. I know he is happy where he is and that his love will go on. He will always hold a piece of us in his heart and vice versa. A toast to you my friend, the dearly departed, may your dancing magic live on in us all.

*****Dance Magic has not actually left our world, he has just moved to one of our partnering bars .9 miles away, this was a joke that we decided upon last week so don't get sad!!****

Stripper Sundays

Well another week has passed and another week has been worked. I went in for a double on Sunday and expected the craziness of the Idiots and the Hillbillies and Hurricanes crowd to get rowdy per usual, what I didn't expect was what I actually saw.

Now if you have read my blogs before you realize that Sunday's are typically nuts with people having Sunday Funday, the drinks flow and dancing occurs, and people get craaazzzyy!! We had some of our normal regulars in and some that I haven't see in awhile. One of them was a group of girls who I hadn't seen in a couple weeks. They had a couple girls with them that I didn't recognize, but boy let me tell you that after this Sunday I will not forget one girl's particular face!

Let's set up a visual in your mind; my tables were all filled in the front. I had a couple tables with actual couples (one was trying to have a romantic date, which well don't know why they chose the bar but that's neither here nor there) I had the group of regular girls and I had my fellow coworker, Colts (for her love of the colts), in with some of her girlfriends. I also had Cowboy Casanova grace us with his presence along with his brother, cousin, and some other friends. We have recently brought in DJs to help us out on the weekends and one of the DJ's we will name him DJ Snoop. Anyway they were all sitting at the table facing the door and the bar. Dragonmaster was there as her usual partying self but left early because her "dad" called, she understands why this is in quotes and funny. Anyway night begins and people start getting rowdy.

All the sudden a song comes on (can't remember which one) and one of the girls at the regular table gets up and starts doing stripperesque moves. Well she is bounding up and down the floor and shaking and slamming shit around and I mean girls got some rhythm not gonna lie. I have no idea where this came from as I had not seen her drink at all at this point. Everyone is watching and unsure of what to do. I have my tables full of couples questioning if this is normal for a Sunday night and if this girl is indeed a stripper. I explain to them that I haven not seen this happen before but it is entertainment and well who knows what happens on a Sunday Funday. So the music ends and she takes a bow and everyone claps. I thought this was the end of it. Jokes on me.

One of the girls asked if I could play Lady Gaga's Bad Romance, I oblige and the "stripper" gets a chair and starts slamming it around and doing dirty things to it. I just have to laugh at this point, a guy jumps on the chair and she gives him a slight lap dance. There is another girl in the bar who comes in a lot and is for lack of a better term a hot mess. She wears the weirdest clothes and is apparently promiscuous in her ways from the stories I hear. She decided she wanted to be sexy and start stripper dancing, only problem is when youre that bombed it turns more into a falling over yourself. My fellow waitress, who we shall name Christmas Elf, started taping it on her Iphone and caught this girl falling and we had to stop taping because we were laughing so freaking hard. So you have one girl with moves and one falling over herself trying to be sexy. I am pretty sure she ended up going home alone that night. The song ends and people continue to clap. Another song comes on and it starts up again, at this point interest is starting to get lost on us.

One of my tables who was actually pretty cool put it best,"This girl looks like she took one to many classes at Flirty Girl Fitness." So some of my tables leave and then it is down to the regulars and my boss and friends. Well I go over to bring Cowboy Casanova some more drinks and homegirl starts up again and they tell me to jump out of the way because now she is using her jacket as a prop. I turn away and let them watch and don't get in the way. I am in awe of how much balls this girl has because I know I would never do this. DJ Snoop comes outside with me and says I can't believe this happened here. I explained that this is the wildest I have ever seen it but yes weird. He is figuring out what the hell is going on and why this girl would do the stripper moves, I have no answer.

The night starts to dwindle more and I close out my tabs. This dbag has been in the bar and annoying everyone and starts staring at Colts chest and making it obvious, she calls him out on it and starts yelling. Everyone is annoyed by this guy except for our "stripper" she actually made out with him. Now he looks like a tool in every sense of the word. He finally can't take the ribbing anymore and Cowboy Casanova sends him off with "Runaway" by Kanye West. Amazing, all I have to say is here's a toast to the douchebags.....

Halloween

So it was another successful holiday spent at my other home, aka my place of business and I must say the costumes were interesting. With the saving of the Chilean miner we had an outcrop of those costumes and of course you have your vampires, simpsons, nurses, fairies, shake weighters, etc. I was surprised by the fact that there were not a lot of slutty costumes this year, good job girls! I didn't get to see a lot that night due to being stuck in what we like to call "time out" however I did get to have fun with some of my friends who came in and worked an awesome party. As always I had my Dalton there to help me keep on laughing! One of my favorite costumes came from a friend of mine who was the Little Caesar's pizza shaker guy! He had the neon glasses, head phones, ridiculous hat, bright vest, and yes a pizza box ready to shake! Now that is ingenious. I myself was dressed as a trophy wife, not original but hey it got the job done for making some money! I don't really have too much to report on the bar as of late, it's been pretty calm, except I still think people need to read my blog on how to tip properly.

Oh wait one thing happened a guy came in for a party of his a couple weeks ago and brought roughly 20 friends. His package lasted from 9-12 and they took advantage of it. I wasn't really making any money off of them so I stopped serving. Sorry I don't work for free and neither do my coworkers, but the party ended and homeboy decided to try to get the rest of the night for free. He went up to Muffy and said i will throw 20 on my card now and let's just keep it open. Muffy turned to me and said how many people does he have? I replied with roughly 20 and Muffy looked at him and said so you want to drink for 3 more hours for free on $20, don't think so. The guy preceded to talk about how he brought all these people in and blah blah blah. I looked at him and pretty sure he got the message that I thought he was a douchebag. His reasoning made no sense to us whatsoever. I mean if you're friends want to celebrate your birthday with you they should be willing to throw the coin down to do it, this guy clearly was a first timer in a bar. So we told him no and he got all huffy, well he kept coming to the bar and asking for his Woodchuck (yup first sign of being a dbag, you have a drink package and that's what you choose) at one point he went to one of my male bartenders, we will call him Mullet and said I am with the party I drink for free all night, well Mullet said I don't think so bud five bucks, the guy argues with him for awhile and Mullet finally goes I think you need the money more than me, ahhh zing! Highlight of the night. Anyway that is one blip in this story, let's get down to the rest of the blog.

So I wanted to talk about Halloween and how sad it has gotten over the years. Kids use to go out and trick or treat all night and roam the streets. Things now a day seem to have tapered off, who knows if it is because of all the sick freaks in the world or parents don't trust strangers to give their kids candy. This is the only day of the year you could go solicit free food from people and it is acceptable. Homeless persons dream! I just want to know what happened to the spirit of Halloween, did it die once the news reports started getting scarier or is it parents don't want their kids to gain weight?

Halloween is my favorite holiday, you get to dress as whomever you want to be and cause havoc in neighborhoods. We use to go out all night running around in our costumes tping the neighbors and being ridiculous. I drove home at 8pm and there was nobody on the streets. I tell you it is a sad tale. I guarantee I will tell my accidental children that they can go out and take candy from strangers and talk to whomever they want. People now are just so scared of too much that it is causing kids to miss out on great childhood memories.

I understand the concerns that parents have but good god your child will not make it in the real world if you coddle them forever. Let them live, let them make mistake, let them have a decent childhood so they don't become serial killers later in life. I just don't understand the whole concept of keeping your kids indoors, Halloween isn't about going to the store and buying the discounted candy and having your kid ring the doorbell over and over what fun is that. Some of the fun is emptying your pillow cases and checking the candy to see if Mr. Dilbert put a razor in it this year or if that lady you suspect of being a real live witch poisoned your tootsie rolls. I guess times are changing and that isn't funny anymore but you get my drift. Why take all the fun out of holidays? Are you going to take presents away now to or tell the kids they can't sit on Santa's lap because he may be a pedophile dressed in a Santa suit? I mean we all know there's something fishy about it, but at least it isn't a giant Easter Bunny who doesn't speak who wants all the kids to sit on your lap. Also on the subject of the Easter Bunny, how creepy is that tradition, a giant bunny roams around your house and hides eggs and baskets, hello if any holiday tradition should be watched it's that one. I think I may tell that tale to my kids to scare them more than to encourage the asking of candy!

Yeesh what is this world coming to?!