Just Dance

It's Saturday night, the bar is packed. People are swinging their arms around and shaking their butts to the tunes and styling of Cowboy Casanova and Muffy. The drinks are flowing the lights are dim and somewhere in the crowd at least one couple is making out or 2 strangers are gazing over their bud lights hoping for that inevitable hook up that will partake around 3 possibly 5 am (if they proceed on to Tai's Til 4) Us servers are weaving through the crowded masses to indulge people in their beverage of choice, mind you this is no easy feat for us to get through the drunk throngs of people and we hope to at least make a dollar or 2 off of our hard work.

After delivering the libations I head back to see if I can make some poor souls buy some shots as to give me more profits. As I am making my way back I notice a group of guys who look like easy prey. (Sorry guys but it is the truth, you see a girl with a tray and automatically buy shots.) Anyway I approach them to make the sale. The next part never fails. One drunk guy in the group decides he is this era's Kevin Bacon and begins to dance. He then grabs my hand and tries to persuade me to join in the festivities. At this point I have had enough fill of drunk people and just stand their smiling politely as I decline the offer. He continues to attempt this delicate tango (which is actually more like an epileptic having a seizure) and then tries for the suave moves of twirling me around like we are in some ancient ball room. I give him a twirl still hoping for the sale because his friends are all mightily embarrassed by their cohorts actions.

He thinks this is OK and continues to dance, I laugh in good nature and proceed to speak with his friends leaving this person to dance by himself in the middle and hopefully find a new dancing partner with a young drunk girl. His friends buy shots and apologize profusely for their friend's actions. I assure them it is alright and happens every Saturday.

Now this is not just one incident I am talking about here people. This happens every Saturday. Why must drunk guys think their waitress wants to dance with them? I am literally there to take your money and be on my merry way. One guy in a group of guys out for the night thinks his dancing will lure me (and every other server) into his grasp and make us fall in love. Guess what buddy you are only keeping me from making my money that I so thoroughly work for.

Maybe it's a guy thing, maybe it's his first time at the bar, maybe he is just that drunk that he doesn't realize that I don't want to dance. I always tell them to look at that girl over there and try to persuade him away. Most of the time it works, I have had groups of friends drag their friend away and try to distract him from bothering me. Although amusing to watch from a distance when you are trying to work it is a bit annoying for someone to try to spin you around or do ridiculous dance moves around your area. It is especially tiresome when you have a tray of drinks and some dbag thinks they weigh nothing and that you want to dance then. Listen buddy this tray is heavy and all I want is to get to my table to deliver the drinks.

I find most antics and pick up lines amusing because me being as witty as I am, generally have a comeback. But sometimes you just have to know when to walk away. Some of the more funnier dances I have seen come from one of our Messner regulars. Now he has never tried to dance with me nor annoyed me ever. He is Dalton's friend and I laugh every time he does a particular move.

Every now and again we will put on some old music (I'm talking 50s and 60s with some Elvis mixed in) and he does what I like to refer to as the Elvis leg. He does this popping of his right leg to the beat of the music and imitates Elvis. It is amazing to watch his rhythm and realize that even bomb wasted he's still got the moves. Last weekend in fact he started busting it out and a small group formed around him in awe of the stellar leg. I must say in all of my time in bars his is one of my favorites. Another regular has recently come out and shown his love of boy band songs and takes the whole bar by storm in dancing to Dirty Pop and I Want it That Way. His moves are endless and his energy is tiring to watch, but you can't help to notice that he has the boy band moves down pat. Now if we could just get him to have his own trivia round where he dances for everyone it would be a great sight!!! If you are wondering who this elusive dancer is you need to look no further than the Idiot table and wait until after trivia to see the astonishing dance moves that he possesses. I can't say his name for fear that I would out him without his consent and later be sued but as soon as I get the ok I will post a video of his moves!

Inappropriate

I must say I hear many interesting things on a typical weekend night. You can hear any number of pick up lines (or sucking face noises if the pick up line worked), you can hear people's nicknames, you can hear people's lies, but most of all you hear the most inappropriate comments around because people are wasted and well it's just ok to say what you want apparently!

This stems from a weekend not too long ago while I was outside enjoying the evening air because it had actually been warm out and I see a regular wasted outside. I was chatting with a bouncer (sorry guys I can't remember who was out there) and another customer who was enjoying his nightly cigarette and was not drunk at this point. So there are 4 of us total standing on the step and people are drunk enough they are leaving to go home with each other. Sorry had to set up that picture.

Ok so as we are all standing around talking about nothing important a couple walks out there door. They do not look that drunk so I didn't think anything of it. All the sudden the regular decides to yell out (I kid you not),"Have fun eating her vagina!" I instantly turn to him and say inappropriate. He tells me that it is probably what they are doing and we can't deny it. He was just giving them the good luck shout out because he hopes she likes it. I stand there with my mouth hanging open not sure if I want to laugh or yell at him. I also am unaware if the couple had heard this little outburst.

This same regular gets the guys in on the conversation about how you need to be good at it or a girl wont like it (obviously) and I just laughed. I don't know how to respond to this conversation and the regular turns to me and keeps saying that I know what he's talking about and that I probably need to start shouting out obscene things to people as they leave. I promptly tell him that I would offend to many people and lose out on my tips!

On other inappropriate notes, for some reason being in this industry you hear things that sound perverted but really are something totally different. In my industry you get to act on what people say and make people feel weird about it! Now we try to keep our voices low but sometimes you can't help it. I like to time how long it takes for someone to say wiener (it's our favorite word in the inappropriate dictionary) and make obscene comments about that word. Mimosa walks up to me last Taco Wednesday and asked me what I was going to eat, I thought he asked if he could eat me! That brought out an entire conversation with the staff about how we all have selective hearing and only think with our minds in the gutter. I swear if someone could hear what we said we would all probably be suspended, luckily no one takes it serious!!

Also inappropriate is making out with people right next to the servers. It is uncomfortable and I do not want to see your spit being swapped or the way you so lightly grope each other, at least have the decency to go to the bathroom or outside. We have begun to play songs for people like you, if you hear Tenacious D's Fuck You Softly and you have been making out at the bar, that is our shout out to you and also to tell you to go get a damn room because you are making people throw up!!!!

Ok more on inappropriate situations later, South Park is on and I need to watch. Thanks

Inappropriate

I must say I hear many interesting things on a typical weekend night. You can hear any number of pick up lines (or sucking face noises if the pick up line worked), you can hear people's nicknames, you can hear people's lies, but most of all you hear the most inappropriate comments around because people are wasted and well it's just ok to say what you want apparently!

This stems from a weekend not too long ago while I was outside enjoying the evening air because it had actually been warm out and I see a regular wasted outside. I was chatting with a bouncer (sorry guys I can't remember who was out there) and another customer who was enjoying his nightly cigarette and was not drunk at this point. So there are 4 of us total standing on the step and people are drunk enough they are leaving to go home with each other. Sorry had to set up that picture.

Ok so as we are all standing around talking about nothing important a couple walks out there door. They do not look that drunk so I didn't think anything of it. All the sudden the regular decides to yell out (I kid you not),"Have fun eating her vagina!" I instantly turn to him and say inappropriate. He tells me that it is probably what they are doing and we can't deny it. He was just giving them the good luck shout out because he hopes she likes it. I stand there with my mouth hanging open not sure if I want to laugh or yell at him. I also am unaware if the couple had heard this little outburst.

This same regular gets the guys in on the conversation about how you need to be good at it or a girl wont like it (obviously) and I just laughed. I don't know how to respond to this conversation and the regular turns to me and keeps saying that I know what he's talking about and that I probably need to start shouting out obscene things to people as they leave. I promptly tell him that I would offend to many people and lose out on my tips!

On other inappropriate notes, for some reason being in this industry you hear things that sound perverted but really are something totally different. In my industry you get to act on what people say and make people feel weird about it! Now we try to keep our voices low but sometimes you can't help it. I like to time how long it takes for someone to say wiener (it's our favorite word in the inappropriate dictionary) and make obscene comments about that word. Mimosa walks up to me last Taco Wednesday and asked me what I was going to eat, I thought he asked if he could eat me! That brought out an entire conversation with the staff about how we all have selective hearing and only think with our minds in the gutter. I swear if someone could hear what we said we would all probably be suspended, luckily no one takes it serious!!

Also inappropriate is making out with people right next to the servers. It is uncomfortable and I do not want to see your spit being swapped or the way you so lightly grope each other, at least have the decency to go to the bathroom or outside. We have begun to play songs for people like you, if you hear Tenacious D's Fuck You Softly and you have been making out at the bar, that is our shout out to you and also to tell you to go get a damn room because you are making people throw up!!!!

Ok more on inappropriate situations later, South Park is on and I need to watch. Thanks

Inappropriate

I must say I hear many interesting things on a typical weekend night. You can hear any number of pick up lines (or sucking face noises if the pick up line worked), you can hear people's nicknames, you can hear people's lies, but most of all you hear the most inappropriate comments around because people are wasted and well it's just ok to say what you want apparently!

This stems from a weekend not too long ago while I was outside enjoying the evening air because it had actually been warm out and I see a regular wasted outside. I was chatting with a bouncer (sorry guys I can't remember who was out there) and another customer who was enjoying his nightly cigarette and was not drunk at this point. So there are 4 of us total standing on the step and people are drunk enough they are leaving to go home with each other. Sorry had to set up that picture.

Ok so as we are all standing around talking about nothing important a couple walks out there door. They do not look that drunk so I didn't think anything of it. All the sudden the regular decides to yell out (I kid you not),"Have fun eating her vagina!" I instantly turn to him and say inappropriate. He tells me that it is probably what they are doing and we can't deny it. He was just giving them the good luck shout out because he hopes she likes it. I stand there with my mouth hanging open not sure if I want to laugh or yell at him. I also am unaware if the couple had heard this little outburst.

This same regular gets the guys in on the conversation about how you need to be good at it or a girl wont like it (obviously) and I just laughed. I don't know how to respond to this conversation and the regular turns to me and keeps saying that I know what he's talking about and that I probably need to start shouting out obscene things to people as they leave. I promptly tell him that I would offend to many people and lose out on my tips!

On other inappropriate notes, for some reason being in this industry you hear things that sound perverted but really are something totally different. In my industry you get to act on what people say and make people feel weird about it! Now we try to keep our voices low but sometimes you can't help it. I like to time how long it takes for someone to say wiener (it's our favorite word in the inappropriate dictionary) and make obscene comments about that word. Mimosa walks up to me last Taco Wednesday and asked me what I was going to eat, I thought he asked if he could eat me! That brought out an entire conversation with the staff about how we all have selective hearing and only think with our minds in the gutter. I swear if someone could hear what we said we would all probably be suspended, luckily no one takes it serious!!

Also inappropriate is making out with people right next to the servers. It is uncomfortable and I do not want to see your spit being swapped or the way you so lightly grope each other, at least have the decency to go to the bathroom or outside. We have begun to play songs for people like you, if you hear Tenacious D's Fuck You Softly and you have been making out at the bar, that is our shout out to you and also to tell you to go get a damn room because you are making people throw up!!!!

Ok more on inappropriate situations later, South Park is on and I need to watch. Thanks

Inappropriate

I must say I hear many interesting things on a typical weekend night. You can hear any number of pick up lines (or sucking face noises if the pick up line worked), you can hear people's nicknames, you can hear people's lies, but most of all you hear the most inappropriate comments around because people are wasted and well it's just ok to say what you want apparently!

This stems from a weekend not too long ago while I was outside enjoying the evening air because it had actually been warm out and I see a regular wasted outside. I was chatting with a bouncer (sorry guys I can't remember who was out there) and another customer who was enjoying his nightly cigarette and was not drunk at this point. So there are 4 of us total standing on the step and people are drunk enough they are leaving to go home with each other. Sorry had to set up that picture.

Ok so as we are all standing around talking about nothing important a couple walks out there door. They do not look that drunk so I didn't think anything of it. All the sudden the regular decides to yell out (I kid you not),"Have fun eating her vagina!" I instantly turn to him and say inappropriate. He tells me that it is probably what they are doing and we can't deny it. He was just giving them the good luck shout out because he hopes she likes it. I stand there with my mouth hanging open not sure if I want to laugh or yell at him. I also am unaware if the couple had heard this little outburst.

This same regular gets the guys in on the conversation about how you need to be good at it or a girl wont like it (obviously) and I just laughed. I don't know how to respond to this conversation and the regular turns to me and keeps saying that I know what he's talking about and that I probably need to start shouting out obscene things to people as they leave. I promptly tell him that I would offend to many people and lose out on my tips!

On other inappropriate notes, for some reason being in this industry you hear things that sound perverted but really are something totally different. In my industry you get to act on what people say and make people feel weird about it! Now we try to keep our voices low but sometimes you can't help it. I like to time how long it takes for someone to say wiener (it's our favorite word in the inappropriate dictionary) and make obscene comments about that word. Mimosa walks up to me last Taco Wednesday and asked me what I was going to eat, I thought he asked if he could eat me! That brought out an entire conversation with the staff about how we all have selective hearing and only think with our minds in the gutter. I swear if someone could hear what we said we would all probably be suspended, luckily no one takes it serious!!

Also inappropriate is making out with people right next to the servers. It is uncomfortable and I do not want to see your spit being swapped or the way you so lightly grope each other, at least have the decency to go to the bathroom or outside. We have begun to play songs for people like you, if you hear Tenacious D's Fuck You Softly and you have been making out at the bar, that is our shout out to you and also to tell you to go get a damn room because you are making people throw up!!!!

Ok more on inappropriate situations later, South Park is on and I need to watch. Thanks