Inappropriate

I must say I hear many interesting things on a typical weekend night. You can hear any number of pick up lines (or sucking face noises if the pick up line worked), you can hear people's nicknames, you can hear people's lies, but most of all you hear the most inappropriate comments around because people are wasted and well it's just ok to say what you want apparently!

This stems from a weekend not too long ago while I was outside enjoying the evening air because it had actually been warm out and I see a regular wasted outside. I was chatting with a bouncer (sorry guys I can't remember who was out there) and another customer who was enjoying his nightly cigarette and was not drunk at this point. So there are 4 of us total standing on the step and people are drunk enough they are leaving to go home with each other. Sorry had to set up that picture.

Ok so as we are all standing around talking about nothing important a couple walks out there door. They do not look that drunk so I didn't think anything of it. All the sudden the regular decides to yell out (I kid you not),"Have fun eating her vagina!" I instantly turn to him and say inappropriate. He tells me that it is probably what they are doing and we can't deny it. He was just giving them the good luck shout out because he hopes she likes it. I stand there with my mouth hanging open not sure if I want to laugh or yell at him. I also am unaware if the couple had heard this little outburst.

This same regular gets the guys in on the conversation about how you need to be good at it or a girl wont like it (obviously) and I just laughed. I don't know how to respond to this conversation and the regular turns to me and keeps saying that I know what he's talking about and that I probably need to start shouting out obscene things to people as they leave. I promptly tell him that I would offend to many people and lose out on my tips!

On other inappropriate notes, for some reason being in this industry you hear things that sound perverted but really are something totally different. In my industry you get to act on what people say and make people feel weird about it! Now we try to keep our voices low but sometimes you can't help it. I like to time how long it takes for someone to say wiener (it's our favorite word in the inappropriate dictionary) and make obscene comments about that word. Mimosa walks up to me last Taco Wednesday and asked me what I was going to eat, I thought he asked if he could eat me! That brought out an entire conversation with the staff about how we all have selective hearing and only think with our minds in the gutter. I swear if someone could hear what we said we would all probably be suspended, luckily no one takes it serious!!

Also inappropriate is making out with people right next to the servers. It is uncomfortable and I do not want to see your spit being swapped or the way you so lightly grope each other, at least have the decency to go to the bathroom or outside. We have begun to play songs for people like you, if you hear Tenacious D's Fuck You Softly and you have been making out at the bar, that is our shout out to you and also to tell you to go get a damn room because you are making people throw up!!!!

Ok more on inappropriate situations later, South Park is on and I need to watch. Thanks