Oh Brother...

I originally was going to make this blog about something completely different but then my little brother came in and shook things up. I was working a double on Saturday (don't be shocked) and my brother was working during the day. He came up to me at the end of his shift and asked if I wouldn't mind if he drank with the neighbors and then I could drive him home. Being the good sister that I am I obliged and told him go for it. He kept disappearing upstairs and would come down randomly for a drink or to talk to me. I was not sure if he just wanted to escape for awhile or if he wanted to make sure I was ok.

As the night went on everyone came downstairs and got lit up. He was buying shots for people and talking to everyone and just roaming around the bar. He kept coming back near me and checking in. I told him don't worry about it just have a good time. So as the night progressed even further I noticed that he was def more than drunk. I told everyone to cut him off for his protection and for my car's protection. He was a bit miffed about it and some of my fellow co-workers (ahem Dippin Cheese) continued to give him shots. I started to do my closing stuff and he came to sit by me. Now mind you I had over 2,000 dollars to count out and needed to concentrate and he kept talking my ear off. I listened and tried to interact but good lord I just wanted to get out and smoke a cig! I went back up front and cleaned out the waitress station and looked behind me to notice him down on one knee icing himself...no joke.

Apparently the Asian Situation (I am aware that I am changing his name) was walking through with an Ice and Eric decided to Ice himself. I am pretty sure this was the drink that put him over the edge. I continued cleaning and listened to him talk with everyone. he started talking shit to our very own Cowboy Casanova about how he made Eric do a bunch of bitch work. I told him to stop talking and led him out the door. This is where shit got bad....

I looked over at him and noticed that he was sweating, I am talking full on not sure what is going on sauna sweat. I asked him if he was ok and he said he was fine. I started driving down Addison and almost made it to Lincoln and he told me to pull over. I turned down someones street and he proceeded to vomit out the side of my car (door open) it was at this time that I decided to get him some food and drink. we pulled into the McDonald's parking lot and i ordered him whatever he requested. His girlfriend Kristin called around this time and he basically hung up on her cause he was that wasted. So I called her back and told her my concerns about how drunk he was and how much he had been sweating. She said he had never done that before so she wasn't sure why he was like that now. I thanked her and hung up. 10 minutes later I finally received the food and forced him to eat. He kept falling asleep and I would have to shake him to make him eat. Needless to say he barely ate anything (waste of my money) I finally got us onto the highway and not more than 2 minutes being on there he told me to pull over. At this point the thoughts that are flying through my mind are do I pull over on the side of the highway? do I pull over onto an off ramp, if he going to puke in my car? so luckily i found an off ramp and pulled onto a real sketchy street. He started heaving in my car and i told him to go out the side. luckily he made it and i didn't have to clean up puke. i let him get it all out and it took awhile. once back in the car he passed out (after wiping the drool from his lips) and i let him stay that way. I reached home and all he kept saying was don't tell mom, don't tell mom, don't tell mom. whoops sorry she may read this.

On the other part of the night my sister wanted me to roam the streets because her bf was out drunk and got kicked out of the club. I don't know when I became a Drunk Taxi service but I was super annoyed. How do you find the little Asian kid in the middle of the city? I told her not to worry he was a big boy and if he was passed out somewhere at least the cops would find him and take him somewhere. Ugh long story short it was a long night of drunkards!!

Skeeze and Pranks

Miss Living Next Door to These Crazy Kids!



Some of the Neighbors On The 4th Of July




Another SIU tale. I lived next to a fraternity house my last year of college. I had grown incredibly close with these boys and had come to look at them as brothers of my own. They came to visit me at the bar when i was working or came over to hang out at the house with my roommate whom we shall call Hippie when we were bored. They were a good time and always up to some sort of antics.

Sorry I know a lot of these are going to be run on paragraphs but I have a lot to say and want to get it all out! Besides it's my blog and I do what I want!

At one point we waged a firework war on eachother. They would set off firecrackers in our hallway and we would set off smoke bombs in their house. I got one guy so drunk he passed out and didnt wake up when i set one off in his room. He had cardboard for windows so we were able to air it out but it was scary to think I almost killed a guy! The guys would constantly yell outside my window when I was trying to sleep and wake me up. They did it because they were drunk and thought it was funny. At 3am I would hear my name being called and banging on the windows to come out. I think they forget I was trying to graduate. I had to pick some of them up an hour away at 5am because they were in jail for a supposed DUI which actually got thrown out in court! I was the only one to answer the phone and they knew I would be up and could come and get them, so being the good neighbor and friend that I am I went and retreived the boys from their holding cell. I got a sweet shirt for it to, it says DUI Taxi Driver on it with thier fraternity logo on the front. I witnessed a near death when the crazy little guido got upset with France and pushed him out onto the sloping roof and kept trying to punch and kick him. I had to call one of the guys from afterhours because I saw a trash can and then France go out the window followed by the Guido. The funniest part was that it wasnt even his fault the paintball went through his room! It was Huff's the whole time! But none of these storeis compare to the one I am about to tell.



Skeeze As A Banana



They were in on the prank!!

One day we were all sitting on the porch and had been out in the kiddie pool I had purchased and we were drinking. Well Skeeze decided to regail us with his tails of promiscuity and then say people kept putting his name and number on matches at the bar. I for one found this as an opportunity. Skeeze and I had become newer friends and he did not have my number yet. I got his number from my roommate and decided to get everyone in on this little prank. I started texting him telling him that i got his number from him on some matches and wanted to meet him. he at first didnt bite the bullet and couldnt figure out who it was. i started sending him dirty messages to see if he would join in the fun. bullseye, he went along with it. I was literally sitting across from him text him back and forth and he never caught on. His friends were all trying not to laugh and let him see that it was me. They would let him see their phones either because they all had my number. This went on for a good 6 hours, I decided I wanted him to meet me at the bar. I told him I would be wearing a red shirt and khaki shorts and i would meet him tehre at nine. I guess my texts were good enought that he wanted to come and meet me.


Skeeze Passed Out on My Birthday

I thougt at one poin the figured it out because everyone kept dropping obvious hints to him. But I am tricky so I was able to play it off. I had my phone turned on silent to and he thought I was just texting someone else the entire time. So I went home and got ready. I put the outfit on that I said I would wear and left my house with a hoodie over it so as not to tip him off. I waited around for a bit because I had to be there earlier. I had the boys text me when he was on his way. I snuck out the back door (perks to being the manager of the bar!) and waited in the alleyway for them to go in. Once I got the text that they were there and waiting I started my decent down the stairs to get to where they were sitting. I saw his face before he saw mine and he looked excited for a minute (i mean honestly I could have looked any sort of way) he then realized that it was me and got pissed. He was embarrassed that I had stumped him and that I had been sitting across from him all day doing it. His friends made fun of him relentlessly and bought him a waterfall shot to top it off. A waterfall is when you give someone a lakewater shot and have them throw their hands in the air after taking it and yell waterfall, meanwhile the bartender has cups of water waiting to throw in their face when they yell. Not to add insult to injury but it was worth it. Since that day we have been great friends, but I will never let the Skeeze forget it!

I tricked this same house once before. i convinced another one of the guys who was a bit promiscous that I was having his baby. I played it off by dropping the right names, with a little help from my friends! and had him going for awhile. His friends were texting me and telling me that he was freaking out because he didnt know who i was, he didnt want to be a dad, and that i had ruined his life. Again this went on for awhile, and one of the guys had figured out it was me. He called me (luckily not around the guy) and said he knew what was going on because he knew my voice. I told him to go along with it and I would be over soon to tell him. This is why I love male friends, they go along with my pranks and dont ask questions. So Kyle had turned his phone off on me and would not answer. I shoved a pillow in my shirt and headed over to their house. I knocked on the door and everyone was standing in front of me that came along for the show. They said they heard he was going to be a daddy and wanted to see what was going on, they said they knew the girl and that she was in cdale. That's when i stepped between them with my pillow belly and said nice to meet you i'm Tanya (or whatever the name was that I used.) ive never seen someone look so relieved before. He laughed about it and said that it was a good joke but dont ever do it again. He then stored my number so jokes could not be played!

Carbondale had a way of making boredom turn into ridiculous fun. I miss the lazy summers where we could just hang out and play pranks on each other. I guess at some point you can't all live in a block radius of each other! Or can you?! moral of this blog, watch out because my pranks are awesome!



We Were the Tricky Tricky Crew!

There Once Was A Boy...

I know that I have been going back and forth on content since not much has happened at the Yard. I received a text this morning from an old friend and old employee telling me he wanted to meet the Dragonmaster. Now naturally this made sense to me because of his drinking ability and the stunts he has pulled back in the good old dirty dale! He would like me to refer to him as Lieutenant Mongo the Ape. As much as I would love to write that out every time I am going to refer to him as we all knew him because I know he will never sue me for using his name. For that his name is Nuner.

Nuner and I have known each other since our first semester of freshmen year. He was in a fraternity that I was friends with before I ever joined the Dove house. I helped out with their pledge missions and was allowed around for most activities. One night I went to him, while we were living in the dorms still, and asked for his guidance. Now despite what these pictures will portray Nuner is a very smart cookie. The kid knows his history and can tell you dates and reasons for why things happened. I had a very tough assignment in one of my history classes and could not figure out how I was going to write this paper since I had no clue what the F was going on, I even went to this class and couldn't figure it out! So anyway I called him up and asked if he could write a paper for me. Naturally I told him I would either buy him booze, pay him, or try to help out in anyway I could. He had a request of me himself. You see he had brought a young lady (i use that term loosely) home and had hooked up with her, unbeknown to him she had her monthly lady gift come in. Well let's just say there was a bit of a mess on the mattress and he could not figure out how to get it out. I needed an A on this paper so I obliged to helping him out as well. He worked on my paper (which he said was a piece of cake and couldn't figure out how I couldn't write it myself) and I got the stain out and he didn't get charged the damage fee for the room. That was the beginning our close friendship, I clean up a mess and he writes a paper!



Moving right along. I had worked at another bar for a couple years during my formative college years but had always remained friends with Nuner. When I was lured over to my second home aka Gatsby's Nuner and I became even closer. We would work the slow shifts together and catch up and he would tell me some of his stories. I will write some of them here for you, I know I will miss out on a bunch but hey there's only so much I can remember! To begin with he was a regular in the ER because he did not care about getting hurt, he was a bit of a daredevil in fact. One time in particular he was playing with a Samurai sword (don't ask where he got it) and wanted to do a cool ninja like move and bring the sword up and straight down into the ground, well he got it up and brought it down but put it through his foot! Luckily he missed the nerves and muscles that could have seriously injured him and it only sliced a little off. The emergency people knew him by name at this point and stitched him up and sent him on his way.

Nuner's standards for women at that point were not very high and he ended up hooking up with a girl he liked to call She-Vic. We all made fun of him because she looked like him but 100 lbs heavier and somewhat female. I guess him and another friend decided to tag team her. Well remember that joke that you had to put flour on a girl who's big to find her vajayjay? They had flour and rolled around in it and that is how they foudn it. I don't know the logistics nor do I care to but that is my Nunny, always looking to be creative with his food. I have seen this kid projectile vomit before but none was as funny as when it happened to him. You see one night we were bartending and he gave someone a three wise men for their bday, or maybe it was Nuner's cum, yes that was a real shot he invented. Anyway they probably shouldn't have been served but hey its your bday anything goes right?! He had just served him and was about to clean dishes when this kid projectile vomited...into Nuner's mouth. Nuner of course threw up right away because that is just freakin nasty! I had to walk away from it at that point.

Nuner always knew how to have a good time, he was always there for a laugh and when you needed him most. He could be counted on to throw someone out and not get blacked out drunk at work. Never complained, nor took off work. Except for one time. Him and another regular from work were working a Sunday night slow shift during the beginning of Spring Break one year. There were only a couple of us left to hold the bar down and he was my go to guy. Well I guess at some point they decided to get drunk and drive down to Panama City Beach. They left right after work (about 1am) and drove drunkenly down to the beach. He stopped on his way down there in some town right outside Florida and convinced a woman that he was a scout for a high school or college football team and she gave them the room at a severely discounted price. They continued onto their journey with no idea where to stay or where to find anyone. Luckily we all had cell phones or they would be shit out of luck. They arrived to find the other guys already trashed and partying on the beach. Halfway through his first day there he received a call that a family member was in the hospital and he needed to be there. Nuner spent a million dollars on a plane ticket back, left his car with his friend, and hopped a puddle jumper to the airport. He said he had never been as scared as when he was in that plane thinking this was it he would leave this earth. He arrived back to find everything was OK with his family memeber and he probably could have stayed in Florida. His trip lasted for only 2 days and he came back to work a bit grumpy but we made up for it by getting drunk!




I lived in a house that I swear to heaven and earth was haunted by an evil ghost. It constantly tormented us and made us unable to feel safe any longer. It is a whole story but when my roommate got evicted it decided to come out and terrorize the rest of us roommates. It would turn faucets on, walk around loudly, leave chills down your spine, it was just bad energy. We did everything we could but could not get it to leave the house. Well one night all of my roommates were gone for some reason and I was stuck alone in the house. I had worked until 2am and didnt want to go back alone. I walked in the back door which led to the basement where the ghost resided and could feel it's heavy presence already setting my alert radar off. Thinking about it is giving me chills as we speak. So I called Nuner because he had closed with me and I knew he would be up. I asked and begged for him to please come over and stay there so I felt safe. I told him he could sleep in Sarah's room and I would wake him in the morning so he could go to football practice. He drove over quickly and went to bed in Sarah's room. I slept peacefully knowing someone else was there in case anything happened. I woke him in the morning and he looked a little weird but didn't say anything. Later on that day I met him at the bar and he said,"Stef I didn't believe you that you had a ghost but I sure as shit do now." He pointed to his arm and had some deep scratch marks there and on the side of his rib cage. He didn't have them before he went to bed but when he woke up they were there. At that point there weren't any animals in the house so only one thing could have done that to him, our ghost. He said he was never sleeping there again. I have never seen someone that scared before, he is a tough guy, but that scared him.

Gatsby's was always said to have a ghost living upstairs in the top part of the bar. It would come down and set off alarms or flip light switches or just be a creep. I guess Nuner was always afraid of ghosts but I did not realize it until I sent him up one time to put the safe away or to get something and he came running back down screaming like a girl because he heard something up there. It was either that or felt something push him, its been awhile so my memory is foggy! He never went back upstairs alone again after that little incident.

his antics are endless and funny all at the same time. he had a very crude sense of humor and would talk about females like we were pieces of meat but at the same time he knew not to cross certain lines nor did he mean a word of anything he said. He would be the guy to show up with flowers and take a girl he liked on a real nice date. I will have to have him tell me some more storeis to jog my memory so I can rewrite them down on here. Oh one of the pictures is a group dancing, he is doing the tricky dance (that I proudly taught him) and jump on it, just to let you know! He loves the jager bombs and the owner's son whom I shall name the Jagermonster would down Jager like water, it was very gross to me but something I will never forget.

When Nuner goes off to deploy in the winter I hope he uses his head and stays smart because a world without Nuner would be awful, if you get the chance to hang out with this guy consider yourself very lucky, because not only will you get some great stories, but you will have the best time of your life!!

Rail Riding, Vomit, Flip Cup

Another Sunday has come and gone. In this time I experienced a bevy of different emotions and serving bursts. I went in and it was slow to being with so naturally i was asked to resurrect my sweet kickball pitching skills. I clocked out and headed to the kickball field where we ended up killing the other team. It was a nice turn around from the previous week where we def sucked it up in the field. This week we had the mercy rule instilled (benefiting us) and it was a quick game. I almost had a shut out until Muffy dropped the ball (literally) in the outfield and ruined my game. So we went back to the bar and I resumed my second Sunday night shift.

My friend brought in his puppy Bruce who I have decided to adopt on Sunday's as my own. He went around with me talking to tables outside and everyone wanted to hold him. I swear that is the cutest puppy ever. He is so cuddly and just loves everyone. I absolutely adore him. OK back to the other part of the story, just had to give my little buddy Bruce a shout out!

I arrived to an empty bar and sat around and cooled down and tried to rub the dirt out of my shirt and pants so I didn't look like the unkempt waitress! After I was finished "showering" myself I started receiving tables. I had some families outside and they were actually pretty easy for me to deal with. One took up a lot of my time so it threw me back a little bit. After the initial family time the kickball teams started to show up. Well let me back track the Idiots had already been there boozing it up for most of the day. Next to arrive was Vicious and Delicious (powder blue team that are also the bars neighbors)they are always easy to serve, non demanding and you can joke around as much as you want. They also love the icing..poor SOCO he is stuck with the most ices probably. The Spirit Animals arrive next. Now they are so named because they bought Napoleon Dynamiteesque animal shirts. They are also in a race for the Drinking Cup with the Red team. So they begin with food and drinks and once the sun starts going down all the teams are now in the front room with me.

And so begins the real party. At first the Animal team has their own flippy cup game going on and soem of the others join. The Idiots put in beer and join on both sides but soon leave the game. The girls were a trip and our very own Sunday Funday decided to do the hand movement and shake her booty all over the floor! So Idiots are out and the blue team joined in for awhile. During this time the red team has decided to ride the rail. They start pounding beers and are slowly getting drunk. I look down the side of the bar and i see them wobbling a little and decide to stay clear of them. So now the tabs for all teams are getting insane and more are joining the flip cup game. They have literally moved 5 tables have created the biggest game I have seen in a long time! The red team that is not doing the rail has joined as well, which has left half on one side and half on the other!

So the Spirit Animals are still in control (these kids can drink a lot) and everyone else is dancing through out the bar and gettin very friendly with eachother. I stepped outside a couple times because I needed some air and relief from the craziniess inside. So now it's nearing the end of the rail and getting late. I am trying to close out the Spirit Animals and cleaning the bar up as much as possible so Muffy isn't stuck with my crazy patrons mess. As I am taking my last breather of the night one of the red team's players came in and she was dressed nice and was not playing today. It was her bday and she had cupcakes so she decided to bring them in for the red team to have. Well she is super nice and actually game them to everyone in the bar. So now I have done my checkout and am about to leave wiht my brother and I see one of my friends from the red team lookin crazy eye drunk and covered in frosting. Apparently while i was doing my checkout they got into a frosting fight. So eric is ushering me out of the bar and I am stopped between Dan and Katie one of our teamates He grabs both of us and smears frosting all over our faces. I literally was covered in frosting and cupcakes. i could not get out. I ran to the bathroom and washed my face off and decided pay back is a bitch. I got him the last ice in the bar and a shot of jameson and made him do the ice and the jameson. He took it like a champ, but I was not about to get hit with more forsting so I left.

As I am standing outside trying to dry off a bit before I get into my car, there are 2 red team members who come out and end up throwing up. It is all over the sidewalk and as gross as it is, it is also amusing because people keep almost stepping in it and trying to dodge it. So Eric had to get bleach and try to get it out of the sidewalk which was disgusting and all. So now I have witnessed all I can take and decide it is time for Eric and I to head home smelling of bleach, frosting, and dirt from the kickball team. Anyone would be lucky to be near us!

(pictures to come soon)

Dance Monkey, Dance

Everyone knows I love it when my friends can dance and sing and make asses of themselves for entertainment. When I was managing back in college I had one employee who never ceased to entertain me. We both had the same love for the David Bowie Labyrinth and the one song in the movie called Dance Magic Dance. We ended up downloading it and playing it at Gatsbys.

My dancing friend we shall call Dungeonmaster for his love of World of Warcraft as well, decided to get up and make a dance to the song. He used the moves from the movie and played some of the other ones out. It was entertaining and always made the staff laugh. He at one point got on the bar and did the dance and did the splits as well. He decided to continue to do this dance over and over drunkenly. It never ceased to amaze me as his skills were out of this world.

At one of the flip cup tournaments (after Gatsby's kicked Sidetracks ass in softball, sorry Woody but we rock)we turned the song on over the loudspeaker and Dungeonmaster made his debut for everyone else. He took over the whole outside area and we got it all on video. His moves became famous in the carbondale area and everyone fell in love with his moves. This happened a couple years ago and has continued as a tradition every time i go down south. I make sure the bar has it ready to play when I arrive without poor Dundeonmaster's knowledge. I am not the only one who finds it amusing, I am just the one who brings it up every time. At one point, he made a comment that I will never forget. He stated."I am not a monkey you can't just make me dance when you want me to." Oh my darling how you are mistaken because at one of the Christmas parties I got it all on tape and let me tell you, I make you dance when I want on my computer. I will try to figure out how to load this video up on here because it is worth it but I am technologically stupid and don't know how to do this!

I can't wait to go down there in a month and visit my old haunt and walk in with the song on my Ipod ready to broadcast for the whole bar. Dungeonmaster you will dance, you sill little monkey you! Don't forget who bought you your world of warcraft secrets book..this girl. I felt I owed it to him since I probably ruined his life for a little while!!

Kickball, Work, Dragonmaster

So it's Sunday and I decided to do another double. I get to work and have on my SYT Staff Kickball shirt (mainly cause it was laying on the floor and looked like a good idea) I have been sitting there chatting with Sweetheart and Asian Persuasion walks in. He asks if I wanted to play kickball today because we were short on girls. Now Schoolyard puts on a kickball league in the summer and dodge ball in the fall. It is a 45 minute game and only 5 innings. I look around and see my potential to make a million dollars is zero at this point and decide to head to the field. Since I obliged and played I got to ride on Buddy, Asian Persuasion's scooter. Let me tell you those little fuckers go fast! We arrive at the field and are short a players, so my brother had to play. The other team found it unfair because he is normally the first base ref, oh well our league our rules.

I get put into the pitching position because why not put the girl with her hair and makeup and khaki shorts as a pitcher? This team was particular in what they wanted because apparently I threw to far to the right or left sometimes. They get a good lead on us and force us to end the inning with a significant lead. Now it's not that they are that much better, but we have beer strategically placed near the players, and my team wanted to make sure they didn't knock it over, which in turn made a few key catches not be caught. Does that make sense even? However we had 3 outstanding plays made in the end which still wasn't enough to guide us onto victory. So the game ends and we head back to the bar. I have a couple hours before work so I decide to do some drinking.

We have a pretty good group in and some of my Baby Doves even came into the bar to get some dinner! Icing has begun and the crowd goes wild. At one point Asian Persuasion believes he has everything blocked until Poorman pulls out 2 times the amount of ices he has and makes Asian Persuasion drink 4 at a time! Now that will do a number on your stomach later let me tell you. These poor boys have to be on sugar overload! So some how Dragonmaster ends up getting bombed and decides to dance on the bar...really this should not come as a shock to anyone who participates in festivities at the bar. She is also Hamming me more than is necessary but like the champs we all are we take it with a smile.

Now it's about time to start work. I have some of my favorite teams in the back and we are all having a good time. The blue team includes the boys around the corner and they love to ice, I'm talking they have some creative ways to do it! One of the guys I went to high school with and will call him M-town until I come up with something better. He has blockers and actually found an ice before they could do it so he made sure to get extra blocks. It was all very crafty on his part! Poor SoCo, his name is similar to this but like I said I will not use real names, has probably done 10 today. They are serious about their icing, they have them ready in beds, in the bathrooms, they go all night and day, btw where was this when we were in college? So anyway i go back and forth with the deliveries and am standing at the bar computer typing something in and noticing that Dragonmaster can not stand. She is literally swaying and has the drunk grin and jumbled words going on. I start to reach for something and notice her falling back into the stairwell. I don't know how my reflexes were so fast but i caught her around the waist and held her arms up so she did not break her neck. She then sits in the stairwell with me in front and Sweetheart in the back.




(I am very sorry for these pictures but I had to do it)

Sweetheart transfers me her tables and decided to take Dragonmaster home. They leave and apparently could not find her car because a coherent statement was not part of this deal. Sweetheart finally finds it and realizes that she also does not know the new address of the Dragonmaster, luckily Muffy came to the rescue and knew where she was. So now I am back to serving and some of the craziness dies down. Things become calm and people start to leave after the Cubs/Sox game, which I would like to say Sox are up 2-1 in the series.

By the end of the night we were all ready to just bolt. We needed to get some rest and get away from the crazies. However I am sure the next Sunday will include a lot of the same shenanigans as this one. I have also been informed that the girl I call Sunday Funday claims she will not be participating again, I responded to her that the day she does that is the day the Dragonmaster does not get drunk and get on the bar...so see ya next Sunday! Bloggers I am not working much this week but promise to update more often and tell you all exciting stories about previous bars I have worked at or other fun entertainment that goes on!!

Was That Necessary?

So another Saturday night came and went, but like all Saturdays someone has to be a douchebag. I was on a double that day that started out pretty busy for the England/USA game. Lots of foreigners and drunk people. Now most of the people were actually really cool and were having a good time. I had one table come in and drink a large tab. I didn't grat them and probably should have but whatever you take a chance every time! At this particular table one guy was just hammered and making obscene comments. His friends all kept apologizing for his actions and I almost threw him out myself. That was the first of the douchebag experience.

Now one of our regulars came in and decided to Ride the Rail by himself for a bit til his buddies came in. He is a part of the self proclaimed group The Idiots. He sits at the bar and completes the rail and then decided to drink jack on the rocks. He did not seem drunk until I look over and see this gentleman with his Aviators dancing to Miley Cyrus and swinging his arms about. I must say it was comical. His friend who joined him for the rail had to go home because he had a pained look on his face and could not function. I later found out that Dragonmaster, Aviators, and another Idiot I will call Sunday Funday went out and all blacked out til the wee hours and came back on Sunday for round 2 or would it be 3? But that is coming in the next blog!

It was a crazy night and jam packed. I think everyone took Friday night off to save up for Saturday. I was finishing up my shift which I felt pretty good about and walked outside to go to my car. There was one guy standing outside telling my manager to basically call the cops and go fuck himself because his uncles brothers cousins friends kid was head of the police force. I highly doubt this but he was sticking to his story. Our resident Creep was outside trying to calm the situation and tell him to just leave. My manager whom I shall call Asian Persuasion was getting fired up because this guy would just not leave. This douchebag decided to tell him he respects him for kicking him out and realizing he was lying about a credit card he had at the bar and saying everyone else was a freaking idiot because no one realized American Visa wasn't a card. I am not sure what he was trying to establish with this but he kept trying to shake Asian Persuasions hand and well it wasn't going over so well. So we had this guy who was making no sense and rambling on about his connections with CPD then we had the other guys....

There were 2 other guys who had gotten kicked out. One was sitting quietly on the bike rack watching his friend make an ass of himself. This other guy was talking shit to Creeper and was harassing both Asian Persuasion and Creeper. He kept asking where the line of property was and to where he could stand and would stand on the the public property and talk shit to both of the guys. He kept saying that the bar couldn't do anything against him and wanted to actually get arrested. Then Dalton came out. This guy started talking shit about Dalton but he was busy dealing with the other asshole so I decided to tell this guy he better knock it off. He looked at me like I was stupid for suggesting he shut his mouth. He kept making comments about all the employees going to community college and just being an asshole. Now if you refer to my previous blogs this is a big no no considering it is very untrue that servers are uneducated. So this guy (sporting his Northwestern shirt because he probably thought girls would want to talk to him more) kept on the street going on and on about how it'd be cool to get arrested and how we can't do anything and blah blah blah. At this point the other dbag has left and all 3 workers are there ready to hit this guy. Asian Persuasion pulls out his phone and says you want to call my bluff? He proceeds to call the cops which quickly shuts this youngster up. I can see the eyes of the bouncers ready to pounce on this kid if he takes one swing or step forward. I watch in amazement as this kid makes some comments that I probably was the only one that heard and then takes off. His friend out of embarrassment probably, goes the other way and leaves this guy.

Now seeing as how I am female and dint have "cajones" i don't understand the point of talking shit to men who are larger than you and can take you down faster than you can utter your name. Maybe I am wrong in assuming this guy can't take care of himself but I don't see the point in taunting people in a bar you go to? After this aftermath I choose to go home and recount the evening's events. I see an accident that has shut down part of Addison and have to detour. I don't know what everyone is thinking tonight, is it a full moon, is it just time for the crazies? Maybe every dbag is out and the normal people stay in? I hear from other bar employees in the city that they too had similar experiences and don't quite understand why everyone felt they needed to be that asshole that night. Let's hope that doesn't happen for awhile though, it really puts a damper on every one's evening!

Championship Blackout

HAWKS WIN!!!!

One more game was all the Blackhawks needed to clinch the Cup O'Lord Stanley. And clinch they did, but that is neither here or nor there...yet. My brother drove me to the bar since he had to work so that I could drink and it took us over 2 hours to get there. When we arrived a fellow coworker, I will call her Mrs. South side for this particular blog, had already secured a table for our group. It was odd because everyone there was camped out saving seats. So anyways moving on to the craziness. Imagine this, the bar is packed, there is no way to get in or out of the bar at this point. During the intermission period you could sneak outside and grab some air, but you better had gotten you ass back in before the drop of the puck. So with tons of cards being held by our waitresses and drinks flowing, and the hawks up by one goal the end of the second period starts to come to a close and then shit went downhill fast.....

For some reason the power decided to go out.I am talking power generators had to come and back up the lighting system. No computers worked, no tvs on, people going crazy, and every person running around crazy trying to get the power back on! once it became clear they were not coming back on at a soon enough time people started leaving. How intent are the fans on watching the game? They left their cards and ran to other bars to watch. Once everyone was cleared out and the electrician was working on the fuse, we got out or cooks TV (complete with rabbit ears) and watched the game. Somehow this master electrician got the tvs on at the right time. We watched the game go into overtime and with hearts racing and fists clenched we watched that final score come alive on the tv with the HAWKS WINNING THE CHAMPIONSHIP. People had started filling the bar back in after this point. The entire city of Chicago was going nuts, horns beeping, people flooding Clark street, every type of Blackhawks song being played, I am telling you it was one of the most thrilling and exciting times to experience. We watched the team pass the cup to each other and then my brother text me (he is a huge hawks fan and has been looking forward to this for lord knows how long) We left Chicago which was tough enough because we wanted to join the party, but as an older sister we ran to meet him at his bar.

I do not know what happened at the bar after we left but I saw people going back there and I am sure they recovered some of the loss. Now it is time to decide if i want to go to the parade, it may be a once in a life time opportunity but at the same time it is early and would take me 3 hours to get to the city! SO yes the bar blacked out and we didn't know what was going on for awhile, but the Hawks in an incredible and also delayed response (no one saw the final goal except for Kane) are bringing home the cup. Needless to say Chicago is gonna be nuts for hockey for awhile!!! And I think Schoolyard might get an updates system for our tvs?

Sunday Shenanegans

Ice Your Bros
(they iced eachother)

So Blackhawks played this previous Sunday and craziness ensued at the yard as usual. I was working on a double and saw the Schoolyard team go from sober to drunk in just a matter of hours. After a slow start at the bar the kickball teams started coming in and after Schoolyard's mind blowing victory they started (or is it continued?) drinking. Not only did we have that going for us but we had the game coming up at 7pm.

As people started filtering in and stealing up every chair that they possibly could we started getting them as drunk as we could so they wouldn't be so crazy. We had this new concept brought to the bar though that turned the whole night upside down. It's called Ice your Bro. Basically what happens is you buy a Smirnoff Ice for your friend and have a waitress or yourself for that matter deliver it to your "bro" and they have to get down on one knee and chug the entire contents of the bottle before they can get up again. So once a group of bros see this they decide to give it to all their bros. I had 2 groups of guys having Ice Offs because it was funny. On the one had it does get humorous and gives me extra money on a tab (because yes this is not free) but on the other it get's a bit much when your tables ask you to think of different ways to trick their friends!

Anyway the next part of the night goes on something like this. Hawks score a bunch of goals and shit gets crazy. I am working the back room and go up front to find some staff members and regulars getting tanked. I go back to doin my selling in the back and come up later and low and behold our very own Dragonmaster is on the bar!! I call her Dragonmaster because the girl can drink Dragonberry with the best of them. She makes me a little nervous because while being drunk and trying to pour shots down people's throats she is wavering on top of the bar a little. As i see she safely gets down and is back to boozing with the Woodchuck. Our own Sweetheart has come up with an Ice your Bro for girls. I can't remember the exact term but it has to do with Hamms and something else, I would like to say Hamm your hoes. I feel like that would not be ok with some people though, all in good fun! Soo more goals are scored and Chelsea Dagger is continuing to play and more and more Ice's are being passed out and Dragonmaster gets back on the bar. At this point everyone is so drunk if she fell off the bar they would not be able to catch her. The craziness continues until the end of the 3rd and then everyone wants to close their tabs at once. Little hint guys, be prepared for a large tab if you are ordering shots and ices all over the place. Luckily my tables were awesome and figured out that i deserved lots of money from them!

Our team staggered home and as drunk as the Dragonmaster was she made it to work the next day (she has a big kid job as well) I was highly impressed when I woke up at the crack or 1pm and BBMd her. All I can say is this night was actually tame compared to what is about to come for the Wednesday night game...

Sky Spirits and Swingers

So I was at work tonight on the patio and had an interesting experience, one that sadly I have had happen before. I was serving 2 families at one table, all very nice with their 3 daughters there. I thought everything was normal and then towards the end they asked me if i could go on vacation anywhere where would it be? I said Fiji because I love blue water and palm trees (anyone who knows me knows that those are my 2 favorite things.) So then the one man said I should come with them as their "nanny" I kinda laughed about it and then things got weird...they asked me if I like to swing. By swing I mean change sexual partners for the night. I didn't know what to think but just kind of left it as a joke. They kept making jokes about the swinging, and his wife seemed mortified but kinda of interseted. I am not sure what to say at this moment. So as politely as I could I declined in a joking way. He kept saying little comments, normally I would have blown it off but their children were there. I am not sure if the other couple was in on the joke but everyone seemed a little uncomfortable after that moment. The one man seemed ok with it so i just kept laughing. What do you do in these situations?!

This has happened to me in other bars as well, people will ask other servers or flat out ask me. I am not sure if I have that "look" but I surely do not swing in any way, shape, or form! I guess it's flattering but these people were also older as well and it threw me for a loop. I had a table sitting behind them and as soon as they left the new table asked me if that really just happened. I said unfortunately it does happen, and i cant be rude about it, although I wanted to say something about the example they were setting for their children! But then again their little girl (who couldnt be more than 7 asked me about my health insurance) so who knows what the f goes on in that house. I guess when you swap partners like that you need some good ass health insurance to cover the stds!!

On a sad not the Hawks lost again tonight. My brother said the sky spirits said we were destined for a win, looks like it is up to sunday to make this happen! In the meantime people are coming and giving us their money so i guess it can't be all that bad. I also got to see my best friend from high school, which was a good time although work made me actually work and not visit, strange how that happens! My other gf came in tonight, I am going to call her Carrie because she was my Carrie to my Samantha in college. Although I should say Karrie since her names starts with a K! We had a good talk about all of our friends getting on the marriage and baby train and how we were far from any of that. I love seeing old friends and realizing that no matter how much time pasts you can always count on them to make you laugh. I think Karrie and I will be getting martinis soon and discussing our thoughts further on friends choices in life!