Typical Wedding....

It is definitely wedding season and love is in the air. I will be attending another SK wedding in less than a month for 2 friends that I actually saw have their love blossom before my eyes. I am excited to see them (they live in Florida) and watch them cement their love through vows and a legal piece of paper. The last wedding I attended with a bunch of my college buddies was over a year ago. I actually have 2 great wedding stories that will take place on this blog seeing as how I don't have much going on with the bar scene right now.

Let's start with the Barnes' wedding. My gf Rockstar and her husband, lets call him Papa B, got married a couple Aprils ago and it was def a shit show. Their wedding was on a Friday and unfortunately it happened when construction season began. I arrived with my date, and roommate for all 5 years of college, Cat Lady. We were sharing a room with another couple who were to get married the next year as it turns out! We showed up half way through the ceremony and took a seat in the back. We watched with happiness as the couple exchanged their vows and stepped out into the world as the new Mr. and Mrs. We arrived to the reception and went to our tables. Now both sides were from SIU so they had a great mix of people, the bride's guests sat furthest from the bar and the grooms sat right next to the bar. We quickly started mingling and downing drinks. We found out they wouldn't serve us during dinner so we made sure to stock up. Always make sure you tip your bartenders at weddings big and you will get some special treatment! Anyway we did some shots and sat down to dinner where the couple arrived and did their speeches and dances and all the traditional wedding fan fare. After a delicious dinner (and many cocktails in) the dance floor opened up.

As the night progressed my "date" and I kept on boozing. Now I did have a little boozehound along for the ride. Her brother and her are always a trip to put together and have the most humorous way of looking at the world. She and I went down and boogied on the dance floor and even slow danced the night away. I mean when you go stag to a wedding it's always your gfs you end up dancing with right? So we got nice and liquored up with the rest of our long lost friends and headed to the bar next door. The bride and groom both joined as at the bar where more drinks and shots were had. At one point one of the STL guys that was staying with the Bue Monster and her brother disappeared. Everyone made friends with people at the bar and we all left at closing. We headed across the parking lot to the hotel and proceeded to party all night. During this partying Bue Monster and I decided to wrestle in the hallway. I was wearing a dress and luckily non revealing boy shorts and we started rolling around. Our wrestling shortly turned into somersaults down the hallway. The whole time the guys were laughing because well we can be ridiculous and get away with it. We grew hungry at this point and there was a random guy there that decided to hit on Bue Monster. We went to the vending machines realizing we had zero cash and she asked him for money. He gave us some but the machine didn't work so she took his money, slapped him across the face, and literally said I am going to take this now thank you. He didn't do anything about it, but now we had acquired 5 more dollars. We promptly went down to her room where the STL kids were staying. Cat Lady and I joined as well. We all sat around reminiscing and Bue Monster decided to wrap herself in a blanket and fell off the bed 3 times. At one point she hit her head on the air conditioner and we thought she was really hurt but could not stop laughing to save our lives. Everyone went to bed late pretty much blacked out. I woke up a couple hours later because my hotel partners had to leave. It was 8am and bright out and well if you know me you know I hate early mornings.

We all said our good byes and went our separate ways. I knew I was too drunk to drive anywhere still so I went to the STL room. They had a pull out couch and a king sized bed. Bue Monster was in the king sized bed her brother Rap Master B and my old roommate Cali Love were in the pull out. I hadn't looked around the room but went straight to her bed and fell asleep. We woke a couple hours later a little worse for the wear and noticed tons of bottles of liquor, a pitcher or OJ, and some other random drinks sitting on the dresser. Mind you I was with them until everyone passed out and I am not sure where they came from. We sat around puzzling about the new appearance of liquor in the room. Everyone counted their money, none missing, no receipts, nothing to prove who brought it in or where it came from. We thought maybe Cali Love bought it and took it into the room but he claims he didn't leave. To this day we still don't know where the stuff came from but it always makes for a good story. I had to leave to work that day but left with a strong hangover and tons of pictures to account for the whereabouts of our night!!

Wedding 2:

One of my best friends got married 2 January's ago and I was a bridesmaid in this wedding. I had become very close with a lot of the other bridesmaids and we all were excited to watch our friend walk down the aisle. We helped her get ready and calm her nerves. I helped her pee and hold her dress because lord that thing was heavy! All of us were drinkers so we knew it would be a crazy night ahead of us. I took it easy in the morning and sat with her up until the minute I departed down the aisle. I hate attention and don't like when all eyes are on me, but I had to walk half way down the aisle by myself and could not stop laughing. After the ceremony we took pictures and went to the reception. It was all very beautiful and well planned. Some of our SIU friends were there so we started drinking with them. There was a caution sign in the middle of the floor that apparently everyone felt the need to dance with, don't ask questions when it comes to my friends, just accept it and move on.

One of my new friends from the wedding hit it off with my old roommate Cheerleader. I will call her Uggs because she and I got called hookers in the dead of winter for wearing little clothing but we had uggs, another time for that story. Anyway we all stuck together and gave speeches and became more tipsy. There was a groomsmen there that was trying to hit on every girl at the wedding. I walked in on him in the bridal suit with random girls which kinda pissed us all off considering our purses and stuff were in there. I ignored it for awhile and actually got some great footage of Heidi Who Who's (that was a nickname in college) husband dancing to NSYNC. The night went on and I started to get a little liquid courage. The groomsman that was being skeezy tried to hit on me after hooking up with another bridesmaid at the reception. At one point all 3 of us were on the dance floor dancing and I looked at him and said something along the lines like why were you just telling my date that you were going to try to get on me when you just hooked up with her. His mouth dropped and I walked away and I guess she started reaming him out. I headed to the bar to get more to drink and then heard that he was going to go after Cheerleader for telling me what he said. Cheerleader and I are very close and of course he was going to tell me. So Cheerleader is walking around without a clue as to waht just transpired. I notice Nicole heading outside in her dress in a fury and start yelling at the groomsman. At this point he is speechless and I find out what's going on and join in and start yelling as well. So he has 2 girls in his face, the bride ready to punch him, and he doesn't know what to do. Luckily NSYNC Mania comes out and breaks us up. He sends the guy home and sends us inside. I am not sure if I am wearing shoes or the booties she got us as at this point but I know it was snowing so I should have been cold.

The night progresses more without incident. Heidi Who Who steps out of her dress and changes into (ugh dare I utter these words) a Cubs jersey. We go back to the dance floor and that song Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy comes on and her step dad is down on all fours and has her mom riding him like a horse across the floor. It is quite comical to watch if you know them! The reception ends and we gather everyone's things and head to the car. I have the wedding gown, my purse, and my flowers all bundled up in my arms and toss it in the trunk of the car we are going home in. We get to the hotel and go to the bar. I suddenly realize I have just lost my purse. I couldn't find it anywhere and it basically has everything I need in it. I start to panic and luckily NSYNC mania was sober and called his uncle who had found it laying on the parking lot floor. I don't know how that happened but apparently it did. I am too drunk to even care at this point and deal with it in the am. I am sharing a room with 3 other people. NSYNC Mania had to literally help me back to my room because I didn't know how to get there. He later said it was like watching a pin ball walk down the hall, I just bounced from one wall to the other stumbling my way to the room. I can't tell you how I got in, how I got dressed, or anything after that. I woke up in Cat Lady's tank top and my shorts face down while Cheerleader was in another bed next to me with our other friend. Cat Lady and I wake up and she looks at me and asks how I got the shirt on. I obviously do not remember, but she said it was the shirt at the bottom of her pile so I must have dug through her stuff and decided it was suitable to wear to bed. I guess even drunk I must want to look good?

I call up to the new Mr and Mrs and they say they are coming to my room. Heidi Who Who asked how her husband knew what room I was staying in, he had to explain that I would be lying in the middle of the hall at this point without his help. We all went back to their house a couple blocks away. Cheerleader and I get some White Castle to try to sober up. he lays down on their couch until it is time to drive him to the train station and literally looks green. I didn't know what to do. He had a long train ride home that he said was one of the worst things he has ever experienced. I got my purse back miraculously and was able to save all my pictures still!

A couple weeks later I return to their house to hang out and we head to Home Depot. On the way we pass the reception hall and I never realized how close we actually were. NSYNC makes a comment to me saying hey remember that, sadly I did not and felt awful. I have some of my best memories from that night and will never forget the shenanigans. I also will never get that drunk at a wedding, I mean I understand you are suppose to get drunk but hot mess is not in the cards. I definitely learned my lesson, or we will see in a couple weeks anyway!