We all know that I am a little bit eccentric and have a different view of the world. So keep an open mind and enjoy the writing. I did have a follow up for this because my girlfriend said that a man was a attacked by a billy goat shortly after I revealed my theory, take it for what it's worth, but I don't think this theory is too far fetched. I will try to write more this week about what has been going on in the bar industry but for now this will have to suffice for everyone out there who follows my blog!!
Thanks for your patience and enjoy the blog!!
Chapter2: Woodland Animals
Where do I begin with these mystical creatures of the woods? What is a woodland creature, where do they originate from, what are their real intentions when they see us humans? I am here to let you all know that those cuddly creatures with the bushy tails and big doe eyes have ruthless, underlying issues and are waiting for the right time to attack and wipe out the human race and run this planet like they use to.
Woodland creatures have been around since the dawn of time, they were born to be a food source for larger creatures (dinosaurs) and to help cultivate the fields and forests because let’s face it dinosaurs were lazy back then. Everyone lived in peace and the woodland creatures knew their place until one day they realized that they were essentially the dinosaurs’ “bitches.” They started to see that the dinosaurs weren’t contributing anything to preserving the Utopia and instead pushed the hard labor on the woodland creatures. Well the woodland creatures held a high council and decided to get rid of the dinosaurs. They created Burroughs and huts to keep them safe while they tried to make the dinosaurs extinct. I believe the woodland creatures were crafty enough that they created the Ice Age and wiped out all other species besides themselves, or so they thought.
Little did these diabolical creatures know but there was another species lurking about, the humans. After all the dinosaurs were wiped away (because they were too stupid to find Mexico) the humans emerged searching for food and wood and whatever else they used back in the day. They came upon some of these woodland creatures and thought they looked like they had some knowledge of the land so they tried to hold a conversation with the creatures but well humans don’t speak animal so that was a lost cause. Instead the humans moved on leaving the creatures in peace. A couple months later things started to change, the world had thawed out and mankind became more aware of their primal instinct to hunt meat. They had started to eat carcasses of dinosaurs because they were that hungry and thought this chewy substance is actually delectable, now I wonder what an animal we kill only a little time before would taste like?
This began the hunting part of the hunting and gathering of mankind. They hunted those cute little bushy tailed animals and began to fry them up and realized their strength was beginning to build with more protein. They continued to hunt these animals and the animals became more hostile, they developed methods of scaring of humans, baring their teeth, clawing at them, etc. We all know how scary animals can be. The animals once again reconvened and had a high council; they wanted to get rid of the humans much the same way they did the dinosaurs. The only problem was they used up all their natural resources to make the extinction happen. They decided to call up the devil and sell their souls. They wanted humans extinct, the only problem is that the devil is very tricky himself; he didn’t want humans extinct because they kept him alive with all their sinning, and instead he took those souls and turned them evil.
The evil animals became what we call rabid and started infecting all the other animals. The devil stopped and said,”whoa whoa whoa, this can’t be happening I have to take care of some of this.” So he took away some of the rabid animals and convened the high council. He asked that the animals stop hurting each other and instead use their cuteness to trick the humans. Any humans that they could trick would be theirs for the keeping to do with however they please. The animals agreed and decided to go wait in the forest and scope these humans out. They would venture out and start to make the humans view them as adorable creatures as not to hurt them.
Humans began to fall for this and stopped hurting the woodland creatures, the woodland creatures were winning now. They began to come out more and more and try to learn these human’s ways so that they could take them out. Eventually time went on and the 2 races learned to live together, the humans never stopped eating them, but kept it minimal at least. So fast forward a couple thousand years and humans are more intelligent and overpopulated then ever, a problem I will address in further chapters. Anyway the animals started to feel that the humans were taking over and decided to recall the high council and make a new plan. Luckily the animals were not any smarter at this point and had no clue how to get rid of mankind. They continue to hide out in the woods and observe us and strike at the right time.
The prediction that 2012 is the end of the world has nothing to do with science and everything to do with creepy woodland creatures. Why do they want to get rid of us? They want to have complete control over the planet, although with all the new modern technology I feel that they will not get very far in this. While in West Virginia we had bon fires that were right next to the forest. I was very aware of my surroundings because I would see those eyes and tails sticking out looking for a way to grab us. They were observing the female form and the disadvantages we have, such as not being able to start a fire with wet wood (again I blame the woodland creatures) but they didn’t prepare for the fact that I knew what they were up to. I think they sensed that I knew about them and left us alone.
In summary woodland creatures, although cute at times, have serious underlying issues and are all out to get us. While you think they are just trying to see if you will hurt them, they are observing to see who is weak, who is strong, where can they attack to hurt us the worst, and playing the waiting game. They want complete dominion but are biding their time and passing on information from generation to generation. Watch your back or they will come and get you in the middle of the night, so hide yo kids hide yo wife and hide yo husband.
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