Christmas Poem

Since it is the eve of Mustachmas I thought I would bless you all with my rendition of Twas the Night Before Christmas, but in bar style. I hope you enjoy and I am not sure why it copied like this and why there are so many spaces. For those of you who have no idea who these people are I apologize but use your imagination because it is pretty funny! And do not forget to come party with us for Mustachmas and to TIP YOUR SERVERS AND BARTENDERS!!! Tis the season :)

"Twas the Night of Mustachmas"

Twas the day of Mustachmas and all through the bar

The waitresses were serving and the bartenders were stirring

The mustaches were placed on the face with much care

In hopes that the tips would come with great ease and the douchebags

Would go to Crossing if you please.

The patrons arrived, the Idiots of course, dressed in merry making

With visions of $5 mugs and tater tots dancing in their heads

And Mikey in his tight blue shirt and Ruffin in his cap,

Had just settled in for a long night of taking crap.

When out on the floor there arose such a clatter

Meister had just jumped on the bar to see what was the matter

Away to the front the bouncers flew like a flash

They tore through the assholes and found Jackie’s phone a smash.

The light through the window had to show Steph’s dougieing was out of control.

Brendan just sat there unsure of where to go and Kiley took a shot to ease the tension, Lindsay Bonick just wanted to stay out of the attention.

Out of nowhere I saw Caitlin Bonick appear, she had a bottle of Jamo and somehow found a reindeer?

With all the commotion we never saw it coming,

Cheeto and Swifty dressed up as St Nick, hiding in the corner scamming on chicks,

More rapid then eagles our veterans came, Effi, Muffin, and Mama who quickly declared Schoolyard is no longer lame.

Mikey whistled and shouted to the bouncers by name!

Now Jeff, now Dan, now Tbone and Matt!

Come on Lumpy, Eric, Kevin and Nels!

To the front of the bar where Colin is doing circles,

Now push him away to the back of the bar now

Scatter away, scatter away all.

As emptied drinks became quite a nuisance,

Vince put on some Keith Sweat to help with the looseness.

Our newbies showed up, Jack, Meghan, and Emily that is,

They were not ready to see the hot mess that would fizz.

Carey and Katie were dancing on bars, Jojo was slinging the drinks in time out

And Ashely stopped in to feel things out, no one had heard the last call shout.

And then in the twinkling I heard through the bar,

Luis yell last call and everyone head to your car!

As I drew in my head and was turning around.

I saw a drunk St Nick fall to the ground.

He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with vomit and mook.

A bunch of his friends were laughing and pointing,

Cameras were flashing and people were staring, we then realized

It was just Poorman’s usual story.

Kiley was put to the task of taking him home

As Brad, Scott, and Joel left and Tracy just roamed.

Meister was blacked out and trying to Houdini,

Her phone and her keys were nowhere to be seen,

The kitchen guys watched with a gleam in their eye,

The stump of a pipe held tight in their teeth,

And the smoke it encircled their head like a wreath.

They laughed at the nonsense that was starting to brew and

Got out quick before shit hit the roof.

Ramon was dressed as our cute little elf

And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

He crept out of the bar and a sound he didn’t make,

But gave us one last nod and a head shake.

We spoke not a word as the bar we did clean

And watched the hook ups that were about to commence

Laughing at the poor saps who had just spent all their rent.

For although we contribute to the debauchery at hand,

It is not our fault you wake up with a slut and a one night stand.

As the bar was locked up we sprang to our cars,

To Tais Til 4 we go to unwind a little,

And away we all flew like the down of a thistle.

As we all drove away Southport could hear us exclaim,

‘ere we drove out of sight’

“Happy Mustachmas to all, and to all a good night!”