Christmas PJs and Line Dancing

In the industry world your weekends consist of working and not getting go out with everyone else all the time. Our weekend starts on Sunday and generally ends on Tues or Wed depending on your work schedule. This last weekend was no exception. The staff at the bar decided to make Sunday into Xmas pj Sunday funday. A bunch of us showed up in our Xmas pjs and got to catch up and let loose after a crazy weekend. We also did our secret Santa gift exchange, however after awhile it was no longer a secret!

I was unable to drink due to having to drive so I observed everyone and got some pretty great stories out of this Sunday. I arrived a little before most people and sat down with some of my favorite Idiots. We caught up on the weekend and watched as more and more workers flooded in. 2 former coworkers, Sami Sweetheart and Dippin Cheese even made it out! I miss those girls so we sat around catching up while more Idiots arrived and brought a board game with them. There was a group of 15 and it started getting rowdy. DJ Snoop and I decided it was time for some Keith Sweat. As we listened to his magical lyrics we noticed the look of glassiness in everyone's eyes which either meant they were about to make out or were getting drunk.

As far as Sunday's go we usually played country music. The country came on and everyone started getting up and line dancing. I have some great video footage of this but am unable to upload it due to signing papers saying I would not post pictures or videos. One of the Idiots was a bit more intoxicated then the rest and started hitting on Dippin Cheese (who might I add is engaged) and could not seem to leave her alone. We finally devised a plan to pants him in the middle of the bar. Well apparently that happens alot because it did not phase him. He went on about his business harassing everyone, I say harassing in the nicest of ways to. Their board game ended and people started playing credit card roulette.

The way to play if you have never heard is everyone throws in their credit card and someone picks it out of a hat, the last card picked buy everyone who threw in a shot. I have become a pro at being the grabber. It is amusing to see everyone get so into it and yell and "threaten" you if you pick their card. Well everyone also has their ways of cheating during this game, one person has a crack in one side, another had a part bent, etc, we all know whose is who's now so it gets even better when you purposely pick someone!

So shots were flying and more country line dancing was happening and our drunk Idiot was throwing people over his shoulder and wanting to pick everyone up. At this point I thought it best to leave, things were getting out of hand. There were circle dances, shoulder shakes, and rumplemintz games going on.

Oh before I sign off on this I learned this new game. So the Idiots (of course) see who holds the rumple shot in their mouth the longest. They count to 10 and have to gargle to prove it is still in their mouth. Well it came down to Brad and Dan and they were not budging so they played a form of rock, paper, scissors, called hunter, bear, woman. Basically you turn your back to each other and act out one of the 3 you choose. Hunter kills bear, bear kills woman, and woman distracts hunter. I think they did best 2 out of 3 but I did not find out what this game was until a couple days later. It was actually super entertaining to watch them act out their parts.

Slowly everyone kept tapering off, but I hear that Shoulder Shaker, Dippin Cheese, and Sami Sweetheart were in for the long haul! I wish I could post the pics and videos on here but imagine your typical Saturday night being played out on a Sunday night in Xmas pajamas. Yup that's how we roll!!!

Christmas Poem

Since it is the eve of Mustachmas I thought I would bless you all with my rendition of Twas the Night Before Christmas, but in bar style. I hope you enjoy and I am not sure why it copied like this and why there are so many spaces. For those of you who have no idea who these people are I apologize but use your imagination because it is pretty funny! And do not forget to come party with us for Mustachmas and to TIP YOUR SERVERS AND BARTENDERS!!! Tis the season :)

"Twas the Night of Mustachmas"

Twas the day of Mustachmas and all through the bar

The waitresses were serving and the bartenders were stirring

The mustaches were placed on the face with much care

In hopes that the tips would come with great ease and the douchebags

Would go to Crossing if you please.

The patrons arrived, the Idiots of course, dressed in merry making

With visions of $5 mugs and tater tots dancing in their heads

And Mikey in his tight blue shirt and Ruffin in his cap,

Had just settled in for a long night of taking crap.

When out on the floor there arose such a clatter

Meister had just jumped on the bar to see what was the matter

Away to the front the bouncers flew like a flash

They tore through the assholes and found Jackie’s phone a smash.

The light through the window had to show Steph’s dougieing was out of control.

Brendan just sat there unsure of where to go and Kiley took a shot to ease the tension, Lindsay Bonick just wanted to stay out of the attention.

Out of nowhere I saw Caitlin Bonick appear, she had a bottle of Jamo and somehow found a reindeer?

With all the commotion we never saw it coming,

Cheeto and Swifty dressed up as St Nick, hiding in the corner scamming on chicks,

More rapid then eagles our veterans came, Effi, Muffin, and Mama who quickly declared Schoolyard is no longer lame.

Mikey whistled and shouted to the bouncers by name!

Now Jeff, now Dan, now Tbone and Matt!

Come on Lumpy, Eric, Kevin and Nels!

To the front of the bar where Colin is doing circles,

Now push him away to the back of the bar now

Scatter away, scatter away all.

As emptied drinks became quite a nuisance,

Vince put on some Keith Sweat to help with the looseness.

Our newbies showed up, Jack, Meghan, and Emily that is,

They were not ready to see the hot mess that would fizz.

Carey and Katie were dancing on bars, Jojo was slinging the drinks in time out

And Ashely stopped in to feel things out, no one had heard the last call shout.

And then in the twinkling I heard through the bar,

Luis yell last call and everyone head to your car!

As I drew in my head and was turning around.

I saw a drunk St Nick fall to the ground.

He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with vomit and mook.

A bunch of his friends were laughing and pointing,

Cameras were flashing and people were staring, we then realized

It was just Poorman’s usual story.

Kiley was put to the task of taking him home

As Brad, Scott, and Joel left and Tracy just roamed.

Meister was blacked out and trying to Houdini,

Her phone and her keys were nowhere to be seen,

The kitchen guys watched with a gleam in their eye,

The stump of a pipe held tight in their teeth,

And the smoke it encircled their head like a wreath.

They laughed at the nonsense that was starting to brew and

Got out quick before shit hit the roof.

Ramon was dressed as our cute little elf

And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

He crept out of the bar and a sound he didn’t make,

But gave us one last nod and a head shake.

We spoke not a word as the bar we did clean

And watched the hook ups that were about to commence

Laughing at the poor saps who had just spent all their rent.

For although we contribute to the debauchery at hand,

It is not our fault you wake up with a slut and a one night stand.

As the bar was locked up we sprang to our cars,

To Tais Til 4 we go to unwind a little,

And away we all flew like the down of a thistle.

As we all drove away Southport could hear us exclaim,

‘ere we drove out of sight’

“Happy Mustachmas to all, and to all a good night!”

Remember When....

I have not really been in the bar much in order to be able to tell some great stories so I guess I will revert back to college. If you have ever been in a sorority, fraternity, or dated a member of either of these 2 you have inevitable gone to a formal or semi formal. For those of you who are unaware of what that is let me fill you in. It is like prom for adults. We dress up in those expensive dresses we bought back in high school (if the freshmen 15+ hasn't hit us yet), we get our hair done, fake nails, make up, the works. The guys basically put on shirts and ties and go booze while us ladies spend an entire day getting ready. Anyway point is you dress up and then go pregame at someone's house and head to the formal. For sorority members you must all travel by bus and if you show up without the bus you are not let in. For guys it is different (isn't it always?) and they can go out of state or wherever the hell they want.

So my first sorority formal was my sophomore year. My roommate and I were dating guys in the same fraternity and so we got ready and headed to the pregame together. Now she and I are both blonde, we were both tan, and we both had on big fluffy blue dresses. We both were ready to party that night. So we headed through the local liquor store drive thru, it's Carbondale people, and while there the lady selling us booze asked if we were on our way to prom. My first question is why are you selling us booze if we are in high school, and my second was are you out of your mind? Anyway we arrive off of poplar or college street, its a haze, and drink our awesome champagne. We mingle with the other ladies and head back to the house to get on the bus. On the way there you sit with your dates and the anticipation is revving up and you are excited to be going to your first formal (well for me anyway.) My boyfriend at the time was a drinker and we had only been together for a couple months. Our usual weekend consisted of going out getting wasted, going back to his place, stomping out cockroaches, or picking up broken glass because somebody knocked a window out, and fighting. What can I say it was love (not really.)

So we get on the bus head to the formal and arrive indoors. We are at a super fancy golf resort, you step in this hallway and look up and there are a million stairs leading to the top to where the actual dance and dinner is. It is all elegant and very well put together. So we make our way up and quickly realize they are not carding anyone! My roommate and I hit the bar and continue to stay there for a majority of the night. Our dates are elsewhere and who cares we have booze. At every formal there are awards given to people who truly stand out. While my roommate is at the bar her award is getting called out. I am pretty sure it was most likely to black out tonight, which was perfect, she didn't know what she got an award for but walked up double fisting her drinks and walked away. I had to explain that she just got a drunk girl award.

The night progresses on and we start to realize that our dates are missing on purpose because we are a sight to be seen. We were dancing with each other on the floor and apparently not very classy ladies. It was so long ago that parts are missing from here but I remember we walked to the top of the stairs to head to the bus to leave and she fell first and dragged me with her. People later explained it as 2 blondes with tulle baby blue dresses tumbling down the stairs together, so basically we fell down this enormous flight of stairs probably with some somersaults thrown in there!

We make it down and head to the bus, oblivious to what has happened. we are searching for our dates and realize they got on the opposite bus from us because they literally did not want to be seen with us. Well we are pretty close to blacked out and Mandy decides to go find Todd. She leaves me sitting alone and I think my date actually found me later. We sit there in silence because what do you say when you see your girlfriend fall down a bunch of stairs with her roommate and laugh about it? Instead we head to the bar. I have now lost my roommate and am unaware of what she is doing back at the house.

I am sorry my dear but I am about to tell your secret that I have been holding on to for years. Apparently my roommate was put to bed in our sleeping dorm. Our sleeping dorm is a bunch of bunk beds all made up to look pretty and no one ever really slept in them. Well Mandy got scared and thought she heard people breaking in to the room so she took off her clothes and crawled under the bed army style to wait for them to come in. She crawled underneath rows of beds and waited, and apparently threw up in the process. i believe she said she ran to our room to escape the intruders.

We are sitting in our weekly meeting and someone brings up how one of the other girls had to clean up vomit and they wanted to know who did it. We still had no idea at this point until I received a note from across the room that was passed in secret. The note said You are the devil and underneath it, I was the one who threw up. I knew it was Mandy because she continuously called me the devil during meetings and I had to do everything I could not to laugh. No one but a handful of us has known about this for years but I just couldn't keep it in anymore. I don't know if I am putting this picture into a great perspective because I can see it in my head and I am laughing while typing. Ahhh there will be more of these to come, I am starting to think I need to write about the summer of CK2......

No Work Equals Lots of Play

The day after Thanksgiving would normally be a busy one for the bars, if you work in the burbs. We forget that everyone who lives in the city is not from the city, with the rare exception. Anyway I went in that Friday expecting to work and be there all weekend busting ass because shit it's the weekend and who doesn't want to party on their holiday break?! I got all dolled up and had my parentals drop me off at work (still no license yet) and went in and waited, and waited, and waited. I finally received one table, a couple who ordered salad and water. Big money yea buddy! So finally it was apparent that I would not be working that night. I swiftly got cut and sat my ass at the bar and ordered a fabulous captain and diet.

Now I did not post about the weekend before but I had sworn off the alcohol for awhile because I got pretty nice and hammered the previous Saturday. Oh well it was a week later so I quickly forgot about that escapade. Back to the current Friday night. I call up my bff Katie and tell her to get her ass to the bar and party with me. She shows up (love when you can count on friends!) and we start to slowly booze. We decide to take some shots because why wouldn't you? Now back in October we went white water rafting and built a fire, well she built a fire and I build shots, so I remembered that car bombs were not her thing. We took some goldshlagger and started to get buzzed. Asian Situation arrived and that's when shit hit the rood. Shots were flowing, drinks were downed, commotion was everywhere!

The bar that is .9 miles down the road from us people left and we went back to our corner. Katie kept getting hit on left and right and I just kept wandering, well I know Katie's get the fuck outta my way face and I saw it numerous times and had to ask people to get their friends to step away. Again it was just us 2. There were a group of girls in the bar and one of them was painted up like a damn whore and I didn't say anything at all, Little Chuy said something and I agreed. Apparently they went up to DJ Snoop and said that Katie and I were picking on them. Uh hello dumbass I am drunk and probably trying to scope out the crowd. The one thing people have to realize is I don't care about you enough to stare at you.

So these girls apparently were talking shit and what not and DJ Snoop told them there was no way I was saying anything because he still thinks I am a nice girl! So somehow more drinks and shots were taken and the end of the night rolls around. I have my sleepover bag with me since I am stuck in the city all weekend and we decide to go to the after hours bar. DJ Snoop agrees to drive me and Katie to her house to drop my stuff off then to the bar. 2 of the girls who were in that group were with us. I talked to them and cleared everything up. I said I don't care about anyone but me and my friends so it's all good. They ended up being nice and I think made out with my coworkers?

So we head to Tai's and I did not take a sip of alcohol because I was blasted. I really didn't want to be there anymore and I don't think Katie did either so we ended up houdining out and getting a cab to her place. I roll out of the cab on one side and she exits the other, my back is turned to get us in the door and I hear a thud. I turn around and see Katie in front of the can knocked down, it literally hit her. My first instinct was rush up and make sure she is ok, she is fine. I then try not to laugh because (as she is kicking her legs about) she is saying I am going to sue you and my knees are broken. Now I love my little blonde doll because she was so fired up and then I finally got her to stand up and go inside. After trying to dial 911 a couple times (we didn't succeed) we ordered pizza. It arrived and we watched Married With Children and it made the whole night that much better. We promptly passed out and slept til 11 or noon the next day.

Saturday begins and we literally watch spring break '05 videos and reminisc about the good times we had. Things were so much easier back then! I wish I could post the videos up here but alas there is too much incriminating jargon on there for me to post anything, it will forever remain in a secret location. So we laid around and I waited to go into work that night, surprise poeple are still in the burbs and not back so I end up not working. We had a calm night in watching fucking Mario Lopez on every channel. I don't know when Mario Lopez decided to bring back his hispanic accent but somehow it came out of nowhere. It was off to bed early for hot yoga in the morning!

I tell ya what hot yoga is great after a weekend of drinking because it will surely get all the crap out of your system. The teacher may be able to smell what you drank but you feel so much more alive. All i all I was not expecting to stay with Katie or get bombed or watch her get hit by a cab, but I assure you that this will be a memory I never forget and we got some sweet bonding time in!